Episode Report Card Erin: A | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Long Kiss Goodnight
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.25.2003
Batty moves onto Jack's other leg with the gel. "Where are your loyalties, Jack? Who are you working for?" Jack's all, we've met before, you know? We have. And not at Circuit. Batty's all, can't really place it, dude. Were you wearing leather? Jack's all, no, but I remember Kanagawa, 1987. Batty's all, oh yeah! Were you with Nagayo? He was HOT. Jack's all, yeah! We had dinner! And you ordered the crab cakes! Batty's all, yeah! Now I remember!
But Batty's not really interested in reliving homoerotic moments of the past and quickly moves on. He's all, just tell me who you're working for, okay? And the fact that I'm placing metal bracelets around your ankles and attaching jumper cables to them will just disappear, okay? OKAY? Jack says nothing. Batty turns to a machine next to him and turns a dial. Electricity spirals out of the machine into the metal bracelets. There's the sound of crackling flesh. Jack writhes in the chair, screaming.
Is this little technique supposed to elicit truth from Spy Daddy? Because, uh, where's that truth serum that Face Doneaway was waving around in front of Spy Daddy in the last episode? I mean, the whole gel + electricity = fun for all idea is great and everything but, uh, wouldn't it be a tad easier and much more expedient to just stick Jack with a little hypo of the stuff and start asking questions? Of course, the episode would probably end about twenty minutes earlier than it's supposed to, so I guess that's just not a viable option now, is it?
After we've all returned from bathing our eyeballs in acid in order to remove the vision of a slicked-up Spy Daddy twisting in the torture chair, we're treated the brain-cleansing vision of Will, talking to Syd on some random pay phone. He's all, whuh? Where? Syd, at the Oops Center, is all, who gives a shit, dude! Just get the hell outta there. Go anywhere! Go to the Dunkin' Donuts on the corner of Clark and Belmont! Hit the slopes at Sundance! JUST. GET. OUT. Grab Foolio and go make out anywhere OTHER than Hell-Lay! Will's all, whuh? Where? Who? What kind of trouble are you in? Syd's all, oh, Jesus. This again. Do I have to hold your hand EVERY time the shit goes down? Someone might be looking for me, okay? I just want you safe. "Just promise me you and [Foolio] will stay away," she breathes. "That's all I need you to do." Will promises. If by "promises" you mean "intends to promise, but is such a doofus that he'll probably fuck this up just like he fucks up everything else, and Foolio will probably wind up dead somewhere with a bullet in her forehead." Not that that's going to happen or anything. Will asks Syd if she's going to be okay. She just says, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Look, I gotta run. My boyfriend's coming and I want to make sure I create just enough drama so that later, when more shit comes down, he'll realize how much he loves me and then we can make with the crazy monkey love." Or she just says, "Yeah. I have to go."
Syd gets off the phone as Vaughn approaches and informs her that Kendall's on his way back. Syd's all, oh, great! Because Kendall's SO effective when it comes to doing shit OUTSIDE the law. He's not gonna do dick, dude. Vaughn's all, you don't know that! I slipped him some really decent 'shrooms earlier; at this point, he'll probably strip down to his skivvies and do the Macarena in a vat of oatmeal if I asked him to! Syd's all, oh, whatever. My dad was right. Kendall's not gonna do crap about the Alliance until he knows that info we nabbed is valid. Oh, and in case no one out there knows what I'm talking about, WE NEED TO GET THAT CODE FROM SD-6. Vaughn gets all manly on her ass and declares, "You cannot go back there!" Sigh. I love it when he's protective and shit. Melts my butter. Syd's all, yeah, I know. I GET IT, okay?
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