Episode Report Card Demian: F | 3 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Hippie Bitches
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.10.2004
Ahem. The conversation segues to a topic I actually care about when Phoebe asks how Big Gay Chris is handling the events of the last episode. Piper allows that he seems fine, but she knows he's hiding his true feelings on the matter. Raige adds that Big Chris remains freaked out by what happens in his future, and Piper notes that this means he's more determined than ever to protect The Doltine Psycho from evil. Naturally, this also means he's been scheduling vanquishes every day, which the San Francisco Ps find a wee bit grating. Phoebe confesses that she feels "like a bad sister" for abandoning Piper and Raige, but Piper assures her that everything's fine. She enjoys having the house to herself, not least of all because "everything stays clean" now that she's on her own. On cue, the Spooge bits on the ladies' discarded clothing chitter and slither towards each other. Piper, not noticing, crosses to dump the Spooge-stained clothes into the washer as Phoebe heads upstairs with Raige to find something else to wear. While Piper anally measures out a precise amount of detergent, the commingled Spooge bits crawl out of the washer and slide to the floor to vanish into a heating vent.
Meanwhile, Phoebe and Raige arrive at The Prue Halliwell Memorial Bimbo Boudoir Of Paisley Tit Slings And Other Fashion Atrocities, formerly occupied by Phoebe, and discover that Piper's converted it into a home gym. Heh. Incidentally, dumbass Feebs was in the middle of telling Raige how supremely awesome it is that she, Raige, was born in The Year Of The Ox, and so we receive our second major continuity error of the evening: Raige was born in 1977, The Year Of The Snake; the only Ox year in the 1970s was 1973. Stupid fucking show. ANY-way, Raige proposes they hit her bedroom instead, so the two head over to The Prue Halliwell Memorial Bimbo Boudoir Of Paisley Tit Slings And Other Fashion Atrocities, formerly occupied by Raige, only to learn that Piper's converted that into a nursery. Raige gapes as Phoebe excitedly jiggles over to pet The Doltine Psycho, who's slouched in the Dolt's lap. Big Gay Chris offers some pissy remarks about Phoebe abandoning her family, or something, as the commingled Spooge bits creep out of the vent and crawl onto his sneaker. Chris also chides Raige for missing five vanquishes in a row. Raige whatevers, the Dolt backs his younger son up, and Phoebe wonders when the two boys got "so chummy." The Dolt admits that Chris's obvious devotion to The Doltine Psycho won him over long ago. Chris wiggles his eyebrows in his father's direction as Piper enters to ask Phoebe and Raige what they think of her new living arrangements. They basically tell Piper they much prefer things the way they were, leading Piper to sing, "You guys were the ones who moved out, not me!" Phoebe frowns and wonders, "So, where are my clothes?"
Cut to the attic, where Piper's stowed her sister's belongings in a haphazard stack of boxes. Quite the passive-aggressive, isn't she? I mean, if she didn't want them to leave, why did she give that longwinded speech about legacies and sacrifices at the end of the last episode? Whatever. Raige and Phoebe mopily paw through their things, moaning about how strange it seems to have their lives packed away in the attic. Piper smiles a bit to herself before crossing to examine a pair of red leather go-go boots she plucks from one of the boxes. Phoebe claims they're not hers. Sharp-eyed Raige catches the name on the side of the box they came from, and asks, "'Penny'? As in, Grams Penny?" "I refuse to believe Grams ever wore anything this hot," Phoebe smirks. "Yeah," Piper mumbles in agreement, "I figured her more for steel-toed orthopedics -- the better to kick your ass with." Phoebe snickers and passes the boots to Raige, noting that they're her size. Raige rolls her eyes and grunts in disgust, but she begins to remove her own shoes to try on the boots anyway. "The sixties were, like, the worst fashion era ever," she groans. "Bad clothing," she enumerates as the camera closes in on her. "Bad hair," she continues as the shot cuts to Phoebe. "And extremely questionable personal hygiene," she finishes as the shot shifts back to her face. Was that some sort of sly shout-out? If it was, it was pretty damn funny. However, I'll never know, so let's keep this moving, shall we? Raige yanks the boots' zippers up, enthuses, "They fit!" and promptly vanishes in a puff of smoke. "Um, where'd she go?" Phoebe puzzles as Piper suspiciously darts her eyes around the room.