Episode Report Card Demian: F | 3 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Hippie Bitches
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.10.2004
And the suck threatens to become a massive, swirling vortex that shall swallow all known and unknown forms of matter in the universe when Patrick Cassidy arrives at the Manor in his Volkswagen mini-bus to get a little sugar from Ludicrously Young Grams. Seriously, Patrick Cassidy? Easily the worst thing about Longtime Companion. And Smallville, for that matter. And everything else he's ever been in with the exception of Charmed, because the worst thing about Charmed is the stupid fucking writing staff. Proof? This evening's next major continuity error. Patrick Cassidy's playing "Allen Halliwell," LYGrams's husband and grandfather to the Glamorous Ladies. The problems with this? He's too young, for one, but I already ranted about the age thing a couple of paragraphs ago. The real problems are that it's already been established that Patty's father was named Jack, and that he died in 1964. Stupid, awful, evil show. Oh, and Patrick Cassidy's sporting a hiddy, straggly wig even more asstastic than the Dolt's. Patrick exposits he conveniently left the seventeen-year-old Patty at his sister's house for the night, and remarks -- several tedious, anvilicious times -- that Raige bears a striking resemblance to said sister. He then invites everyone to a "drum circle" he saw on the way over, but by this point I was entirely distracted by the riot of anachronous foliage surrounding the Manor, like, it's January. In San Francisco. Why are there bright green leaves on all the goddamned trees? Whatever. Ludicrously Young Grams ropes Raige into this whole fucking stupid drum circle nonsense, and everyone with a speaking part in this evening's proceedings piles into Patrick Cassidy's garish "Rainbow Bus."
Present-day attic. Phoebe lights several candles as Piper sighs and blames herself for Raige's disappearance. In unison, Big Gay Chris and the Dolt shrug, "What's done is done." "You two really need to get a room," Phoebe goofs, and that's certainly not an image upon which to linger, so let's cut ahead to Grams's arrival. The Spooge on Chris's sneaker makes squishy noises as Phoebe recites the following:
Hear these words -- hear my cry,
Spirit from the Other Side:
Come to me. I summon thee --
Cross now the great divide.