Episode Report Card Demian: F | 3 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Hippie Bitches
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.10.2004
Flash to the past. Smelly hippies exit the Manor. Presently, Piper approaches Ludicrously Young Grams and The Wretchedly Stupid Fucking Talent-Free Patrick Cassidy to blither about fighting demons the way demons should be fought, rather than attempting to find a "path of peaceful resistance," in the words of TWSFT-FPC. Boring? You betcha, so I'll take a moment while the scene plays out to ponder the following: Piper, as we know, is the reincarnation of Grams's own mother, the "P. Baxter-Johnson" of "Pardon My Past." That version of Piper didn't kick it until 1970, so how is one soul or human essence or whatever the fuck it's called on this show inhabiting two different bodies at the same time? Shouldn't Piper have, like, spontaneously exploded upon reaching the past? That would have been wicked cool. Well, it would have been wicked cool if it happened to Phoebe, I suppose. And speaking of Grams's Boston Brahmin mother, where the hell is she while her daughter's allowing a bunch of lice-infested deadbeats to rampage throughout her house? Huh? She should be kicking LYGrams's blithering ass right about now, if you ask me. And look at that -- The Spawn Of Busey has returned to freeze the unfreezable witches so he can rant and rave. After a bit of this, the SOB unfreezes everyone and pimp-smacks TWSFT-FPC across the foyer. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward. LYGrams retaliates by unleashing the following spell:
May peace and love
From the moon above
Flow through your heart
On the wings of a dove.
Spawn Of Busey freezes her with a sneer, pauses to snack on a chunk of the set, and conjures a Flaming Ball Of Death with which to fry LYGrams. The Wretchedly Stupid Fucking Talent-Free Patrick Cassidy leaps in front of LYGrams at the last minute, and the FBOD gouges its way into his back, where it leaves a gaping, bloody wound. I feel as if I have waited my entire life for this moment. No, seriously. It seems like this episode has been dragging on for thirty-five years. LYGrams keens and wails over Patrick Cassidy's rapidly cooling corpse (hooray!) as the SOB forms another FBOD. Phoebe and Raige interrupt the fry-fest, however, by silently slinking up behind the SOB and hurling a potion vial into his back. The resulting explosion sends the SOB flying across the room, where his massive teeth vanquish a table. Phoebe flings another vial at him, but the SOB blinks out at the last moment, and the vial shatters harmlessly against the wall. The Glamorous Ladies regroup, with Piper expressing doubt that Patrick Cassidy's death was enough to realign the timeline. She reminds her sisters that Grams flew into a rage when she found her husband dead (in 1964, three years before the events of this episode). Piper then indicates the wimpily weeping LYGrams and asks, "Does that look like a demon killer to you?" Raige and Phoebe gawp.
Flash to the present. Big Gay Chris plays with some wiring in the kitchen as the Dolt looks on. Unbeknownst to either of them, Mrs. Madrigal has stepped into the basement stairwell to croon sweet smelly hippie nothings at The Mighty Spooge. The Spooge replies by ejaculating a slimy tentacle that envelops Mrs. Madrigal and drags her into the depths of the basement as the door slams shut of its own accord. The boys gape their way into the final commercial break.