Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT New Modes
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.25.2008
Betty gets ready to ride her motorcycle, setting her onboard to the exact latitude and longitude of slapstick embarrassment. "You can do this. You can do anything, you're a dove. A kick-ass dove. It's like a bike, only bigger." Just as she's getting ready to zoomazoomzoom out with the other letters, DJ silly strings her again and she drives into a pool of Jell-O with the frolicking bikini trash. Amanda and Mark agree that it was beyond their wildest dreams: "It's magic!" Ginger yells for somebody to call 411.
After Live!, Wili brings up a way for Alexis to "stop the bleeding" they just caused for Hot Flash, and help Mode at the same time. Alexis is reluctantly down, because she's an idiot now and does whatever Wilhelmina wants without question or even really understanding what she's being asked to do.
In the NATC, Betty waits for maintenance to come approximately ... her whole life. Eventually the offices close, and still nothing. She moans and puts her head in her hands, and then total chaos reigns supreme: Generic rock music comes pounding through the walls, Ugly Naked Midlife Couple is suddenly dancing with cocktails, randomly the ceiling starts dripping on her idea book, her spirit pigeons start divebombing her like Tippi. Wow. She eventually escapes into the hallway and looks at her sad, sad three-part plan and kind of rolls around on the floor. Also, her hair has grown to five times its normal bushy density and looks amazingly fucked up.
Hilda calls and tells her to come to the burger place in Queens, and don't tell Ignacio. Once there, Betty gets the 911 on both Kimmie's managerial abuses and the fact that her hair looks like Cold Case threw up on it. Hilda prepares to kick Kimmie's ass, noting that she's got her "big" ring on. Heh, that's the Hilda I love. Betty tells her to chill out, but then spots the previously unnamed Kimmie, and remembers the mildly malicious non-bullying she was subjected to. "She's pure evil," Betty notes, and Hilda again offers to kick her ass. "Stand by," says Betty, and they face off.
Kimmie and Betty say hello in that way where your name is a curseword, and Kimmie informs her that she's not the manager, she's "the onsite senior executive in charge of food operations." Which sounds worse and made up. I hate when they sound worse. I think it's awesome to be a fast food manager because it means you took what God gave you and applied some elbow grease to it. It's a decent wage, and Lindsay Lohan looks totally hot. I'd like to put the "U" in that "uniform," if you know what I... Wait, that's not it, is it? Hang on.