Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT New Modes
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.25.2008
They randomly put on sunglasses and, just before going after Moose and Squirrel or whatever the fuck is going on, the two Wilhelminas wink at each other, and Wili knows authentic sexual desire for the first time. Then she makes a weirdo face like that Joni Mitchell analogue from Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem. That scene went haywire at some point.
Betty congratulates herself on meeting her goals, crossing them off, but just as she's considering her new cloistered life of chastity, the powerful and virile sounds of Val Emmich, my Myspace friend, total hottie, and frequent guest star, come rippling through the room and across her skin. She knocks on his door, they meet cute -- which in this case means, he is totally cute and she meets him, whilst stammering and staring like she's having a brain hemorrhage right in front of him -- and we meet cute Jesse, who is a singer-songwriter who has "gigs" and is a singer-songwriter. He gives her back her actual power animal, which is the good old B necklace from before, because she lost it when she lost herself, but herself is good and the necklace "suits" her, blah blah identitycakes. She goes home and immediately starts swooning. Is Betty actually stupid? Probably. She seems to think so.
But her house looks fucking chill now. She sticks her head out into her first NATC night and dances around while Jesse sings "American Girl," which is apparently our new song for self-discovery. This dancing around thing always makes me really uncomfortable because like many things we all do, it's a private activity that other people shouldn't see unless they are paying for it on the internet.
Next week: Wili seduces Betty back to Mode, she randomly becomes a total bitch, Daniel gets pissed, the word protégé gets tossed around, I attempt to put the "wee" back in "weecap," and there's what looks to be an epic Mark v. Betty showdown. Awesome. Here's to next week!