Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT New Modes
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.25.2008
(*This is a very funny joke about cosmetics. I am a little gay myself.)
Ignacio says she's right, because the actual grownup part is what she's doing now, which is dealing with actualities and fallout instead of designing the perfect life on paper and forgetting to build it. "It's not easy, but I know you. Te conosco. Right now, these things -- these moments, this -- is growing up." Nice speech, even though he still looks like the creepy Gepetto of all time. Plus extra points for the Dora The Explorer moment with translating yourself for no reason. I always yell DRINK! when people do this, which is why I'm always watching Dora drunk.
Kimmie is putting the "form" in "uniform" (nope, still not it) when Betty comes in and apologizes, but gets into a linguistic dead end somewhere around the middle and starts drifting towards how it happened because Kimmie Keagan is a kunt. Kimmie's like, "Nice." She apologizes again, and says she accepts Kimmie's hatred of her as a fact of life, but asks that Kimmie not take it out on Ignacio. (This does not work in real life, ever.) And then things get tremendously stupid. Luckily, the dialogue is awesome.
"I don't hate you, I'm just jealous. You have a NATC, a great job, your dad's all proud. Me? Everything's been going downhill since high school. I'm working at this awful job, I have a boyfriend I kinda hate, I'm tired all the time, I looked on the internet and I'm 98% sure I've got Lyme disease." Totally ♥. Perfectly written, perfectly portrayed. "Whatever you do, don't have sex in the woods on Fire Island." Betty thanks her for that helpful advice, and Kimmie goes off about how nothing's ever going to change, and Betty supplies some of her helpful goddamn sunshine about believing in yourself which normally is my favorite part of each episode but now, given that I'm 98% sure Betty has Lyme disease herself, or Bovine Spongiform Encephalitis, rings a little false.
"Don't be afraid to fall flat on your face," she says kind of smarmily: "I do it every day." Yeah. You could also try learning from your mistakes and stop taking candy from strangers and getting in their vans all the time. Kimmie tells her to get Ignacio back at noon, and horrifyingly shows her change of heart by calling him her "best guy on the fryer." I'm sorry, but he is a grown fucking man. Why are they all treating him like Leonardo Di Caprio in Gilbert Grape? "Good Ignacio. Bueno trabajando." DRINK!