Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2002
The Dolt scuttles across the floor to administer the tingly touch to Phoebe's battered skull. It's a shame he doesn't heal the Phoebangs while he's at it. ("Phoebangs" is the property of Ayla123 from the boards, by the way.) I know Phoebe's new hairstyle made its debut in the last episode, but it didn't become a nuisance until this one. The Phoebangs look like Alyssa Milano got hammered on Mad Dog and started hacking away at her hair with a pair of rusty pinking shears. Either that, or there was a little "incident" involving Lin Milano's setting lotion, if you follow what I'm saying. The tingly touch takes hold, and Phoebe presently regains consciousness. She groans as The Sole and the Dolt pull her to her feet. Piper warns that Coolio is certain to attack again. The entry in the BoS reveals that Lazarus Demons grow in strength the longer they've been out of their graves. The gang wonders briefly who would have unearthed Coolio and sent him after the Ps the night before Phoebe's wedding. Raige's opinion on the matter? A person or persons unknown wants to prevent the ceremony from happening. She reveals the identical results of her tarot readings, and wonders why The Sole didn't inform Phoebe after witnessing the first reading after the rehearsal dinner. The Sole blathers something about true love conquering all. This satisfies the Feebs. Piper proposes that she and Raige take turns on "demon watch" that evening so Phoebe can get some rest. Raige, attempting to mend their somewhat damaged relationship, offers Phoebe some of her "aromatherapy" to help Phoebe sleep. Piper announces that they have a plan, and the Ps plus the Dolt exit the attic. The Sole stands alone, staring ominously.
Hell. The Sole smashes Coolio through a wall. Coolio is outraged. He ain't never crossed a witch that didn't deserve it. Besides, he was only doing what D'Eartha asked of him. This is tiresome, and Coolio cannot act. Long story short, The Sole warns Coolio to leave Phoebe alone and hurls a Flaming Ball Of Death into his chest. Coolio dissolves into a pile of dirt, and God help me, the pile of dirt is the better actor. "Stay down until I call for you," orders The Sole. He then turns to snarl at D'Eartha. What in hell made her unearth a Lazarus Demon? D'Eartha remains unapologetic. The Sole needs a way to disrupt the white wedding, as well as a way to lure Phoebe into a cemetery for the dark one. What better dark demonic force to accomplish both goals than Coolio? Wow. That sounds asinine, doesn't it? And yet it is true. The Sole and D'Eartha hiss and scratch at each other over The Sole's ability to resist the pull of Cole's love for Phoebe. When The Sole wonders if D'Eartha is questioning his capacity to function as the new Source, D'Eartha tellingly replies, "You inherited the world's evil. I'll follow that anywhere." Oh, D'Eartha. Fill up any old schmuck with the world's evil, and you're flat on your back with your legs wide open for him -- is that it? Take my previous advice and suck up the world's evil for yourself. Then you won't have to worry about petty little problems like, oh, every goddamned plotline involving Phoebe and Cole. What is the matter with you, woman?