Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2002
The Third-Hardest-Working Cemetery In Show Business. It's slipped a bit in the rankings since last season. The Sole's found a promising grave from the early years of the last century, and he shoves a spade into the soil. The Dolt joins him in the digging as the Ps stand off to one side. Piper tries to comfort a pouting Phoebe by reminding her that it took a couple of tries before she and the Dolt managed to get hitched. All they have to do for Phoebe is determine what sort of Eeevil tossed the wrench into the day's proceedings, and why. Raige has an idea. Why don't they ask Coolio? The Sole becomes visibly agitated at this suggestion. Raige dumps the Coolidust onto the ground over The Sole's objections. "Phoebe, please," The Sole begs. "I'm asking you not to do this. For me." "I can't believe you don't want to know," she counters. Piper twists her hand over the Coolidust, and Coolio presently appears before them. Still with the puckered lips. Is this a permanent condition for the man? "Who resurrected you?" Phoebe demands. Lengthy pause. "Ax him!" Coolio shouts, shooting an accusatory finger at The Sole. A lengthy round of startled reaction shots. "You swore I'd never see a cemetery again if I helped you," Coolio continues. "You set me up!" Coolio spills the details of the plot. "Okay, Cole, what is going on?" Phoebe hyperventilates. "Because I gotta tell you that right now I am freaking. Out!" Cole takes a moment, then languidly rolls his eyes. "Ah, what's the point?" he shrugs, tossing aside his shovel. "You already figured it out." He flings an FBOD into Coolio, who dissolves once more for the last time. Phoebe wigs as Piper and Raige huddle around her protectively. The Dolt stands ineffectually off to the side. The Sole morphs down into D'Eartha. Is he now The D'Ole? D'Amn.
Phoebe gets all up in The D'Ole's face. The D'Ole reveals that "Cole" is "unconscious in the mausoleum." She indicates a low building nearby that is not the Mausoleum mausoleum. It's not even The Late Lamented's mausoleum. The Third-Hardest Working Cemetery In Show Business is larger than I remembered. "Why would you save us one day and try to kill us the next?" Raige snits. "For the same reason -- to keep the balance of power between good and [Eeevil]," The D'Ole replies. Piper claims she's being "cryptic," but that's a pretty reasonable explanation as far as I'm concerned. The D'Ole, however, elaborates. She lies about having had a vision that, should Phoebe marry Cole on that particular day, she would become a witch possessed of such immense power as to tilt the balance towards the forces of good. The D'Ole's sole (oy) purpose was to stop the wedding. Now that she has, she can leave. The D'Ole blazes on out. "Bitch," clenches Piper. Snerk. The Dolt offers to finish burying Coolio's remains while the gals head off to find Cole. The Ps agree and leave him alone by the grave.