Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2002
Raige and Piper address an empty chair. Raige's brilliant plan? To transfer the invisibility from Phoebe to herself. Not only will this allow Phoebe and Cole to marry as planned, but it will also prove that Raige in no way wishes to stand between the couple and their stated goal of nuptial bliss. InvisiPhoebe InvisiSniffles her InvisiThanks.
Out on the chapel portico, the Ds plus The Sole natter about the delay and the guests who have already decided to bail. What? How rude! You're telling me that if a wedding is delayed for more than fifteen minutes, the guests are free to leave? Whatever. The groom and his men break from their huddle to head into the chapel proper. D'Eartha silently appears behind them and asks, "Aren't you going to seat me?" Daddy Dearest offers to escort her inside, but The Sole tells Daddy he'll handle it. The Sole offers D'Eartha his arm, and she links her own through his with a smile. "They'll recognize you," he grits, sotto voce. She ignores his admonition. "You never contacted me. Did your potion work? And did they use the spell you thought they would?" The Sole answers yes to both questions. If that's the case, D'Eartha would like to know why the wedding hasn't been canceled already. The Sole admits that the Ps might have found a way to reverse his magic. D'Eartha shoots him the wicked side eye and asks, "And did she find an obedience spell to make you do as she pleases?" Oh, no she didn't! Woo! Who's whipped? Yeah, that's right, Sole baby. You are. The Sole smiles tightly and breathes, "Don't forget who you're talking to," as D'Eartha settles into a pew towards the back. The Sole spots Piper taking her place at the altar as the string quartet slides through one of the Brandenburg Concertos. He leans down to D'Eartha's ear and instructs her to retrieve Coolio from Hell. If Coolio attacks Our Lady Of The Dead Heathers, the gals will halt the wedding "to save innocent lives." D'Eartha waits in her place for a moment until The Sole has moved away, then stands to exit the chapel.
An Impressive Clergyman nods to the quartet, and the opening bars to "The Wedding March" float out from the balcony as Phoebe enters on Daddy Dearest's arm. The Phoebangs are evil and must be destroyed. Interminable shots of a cautious Sole, an overjoyed Piper, and various anonymous kvelling guests follow as InvisiRaige slides an armless upholstered chair in front of the Font Of Baptisms, Hair Care, And Spaghetti -- Lots Of Oregano to witness the service from the back of the church. Apparently, InvisiRaige is as naked as InvisiPhoebe was earlier, so see the above comment regarding ScotchGard. Actually, now that we're all intimately familiar with Raige's personal hygiene habits, forget the ScotchGard and let's just hope they burn the damn chair after she's done with it. The Impressive Clergyman lifts his arms to indicate that the gathered throng may now be seated, and he begins the ceremony. "'Esquimo.' Phoebe Halliwell underlined a lot of passages in her copy of Moby Dick..." Oops. Sorry. Wishful thinking, I suppose.