Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2002
Over in the ordinary, garden-variety mausoleum, The D'Ole blazes in, clutches her pearls, and morphs back into The Sole. He rips off his bow tie and drops to the ground just as Phoebe, Piper, and Raige clomp down the stairs. They quickly determine that he's okay. The Sole claims D'Eartha probably wouldn't have killed him anyway. "Killing is beneath her," he states as he's eased to his feet. "She only does it if she has to." The Dolt joins the group, and they head towards the exit.
In an upper hallway, Raige gives voice to her lingering suspicions. "If [D'Eartha] really wanted to stop the wedding," she asks The Sole, "why wouldn't she kill you?" "You'd have to ask her," Cole mildly replies. The Dolt stops them all short when he spots "The Chapel Of The Gardens" off to the side. And, oh! How convenient! There appears to be a priest puttering around the altar! "It's cute," Piper perks. "And perfect," The Sole adds. "For what?" asks the Feebs. "For a wedding," The Sole duhs. Piper couldn't agree more. It takes little prodding for Phoebe to go along with this idea. The five flash their teeth at the camera and scamper into the chapel. The priest turns at their entrance, and to the surprise of absolutely no one at all, it's Prior Pock.
Through a wedding, darkly. In a voiceless montage, The Sole plucks a pink rose from an arrangement and presents it to Phoebe. As she slides it into the buttonhole in his lapel, she gouges her thumb on one of the thorns. The Sole gently lifts her thumb to his lips and ingests the bead of blood. Deliberately. In slow motion. Twice. So. We. Get. It. A shot of the wedding party gathered in front of the altar. Prior Pock, holding the rings up for the blessing. Phoebe, glowing. Piper, beaming. Raige, balancing her checkbook in her head. The Dolt, not shutting up, despite the fact that there is no spoken dialogue. Shut up, Dolt. Phoebe places a ring on The Sole's finger. The Sole slips a ring onto Phoebe's finger. Oops. It's supposed to be worn inside the engagement ring, Sole. You'll have to do that again. Some other time, when I don't have to watch. As Phoebe and The Sole lock hands and Prior Pock envelops their hands in his own for the final blessing, the Hell chorus on the soundtrack whispers something along the lines of, "Jasonjasonjasonjason. Killkillkillkill. Runrunrunrun." How much do you have to tip a Hell chorus after a wedding? "Not two, but one," intones Prior Pock, "'til life be gone." He then smiles broadly and, brimming with pride, announces, "You may kiss the bride." The Sole leans in and plants a sloppy one on Phoebe's lips. She breaks away. "We did it," she whispers. "Yes," he answers. "We did." The shot cuts away to reveal D'Eartha standing unseen at the back of the chapel as Raige, Piper, and the Dolt congratulate Phoebe and The Sole. "It is done," she states simply, with more menace in three little words than Coolio worked into his entire performance. A hint of a smile crosses D'Eartha's face as we fade to black.