Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2002
Up in the attic, the Feebs struggles with her now-voluminous gown as she squeals "Oh!" over and over again at her reflection in the mirror. Raige enters, and Phoebe whirls on her, screaming, "You! You ruined my wedding, and the bridal shop is closed tomorrow!" Raige splutters as Piper begs Phoebe not to "blow this out of proportion." Phoebe makes an unfunny about "proportion" and how her dress could "double as a circus tent." Raige protests she picked up the correct dress -- she checked the tag before leaving the shop. Phoebe brandishes the reservation tag and reads off the new name. "Do I look like Millie Platt? Do I?" Actually, the captioning renders this last as "Do I? Do I? Do I? Do I? Do I?" and thank God I didn't have to listen to Alyssa Milano yammer out that version of the line. Phoebe whips the tag at Raige, who examines it while insisting, "That's impossible." Phoebe screeches that, had Raige picked up the dress earlier in the day as Phoebe had originally demanded, they'd be able to correct the mistake in time for the ceremony, like, when was Raige's name officially changed to Gunga Din? You should have picked up your own goddamn dress. Bitch. Raige, in addition to being an artist, a social "worker," a tarot reader, a reformed Goth chick, a recovering alcoholic, an orphan, Phoebe's pack mule, and all-around doormat, is also a seamstress of some skill. She promises to alter the gown herself that evening. As my eyes roll back into my skull, Coolio blows into the attic and TKs Piper ass-backwards across a desk. Phoebe spins around and raises her fists. Her oversized gown puddles onto the carpet at her feet, leaving her standing there in the sort of aerodynamic foundation garment last seen on Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles. Coolio gives her the once-over and puckers his lips in disgust. As well he should. Phoebe boots him in the head, tossing him into a bookcase. Raige summons a hefty ceremonial sword from a nearby table and hurls it into Coolio's stomach with her orbing telekinesis. Coolio clutches his stomach for a moment, then dissolves into a cloud of dirt that settles on the wreckage of the bookcase. Phoebe whips around and spits at Raige, "You'd better take care of this!" Raige promises to research Coolio in the Book of Shadows immediately. "Not the demon," Phoebe sneers as she balls up the expanse of satin at her feet. "My wedding dress!" She shoves the gown into Raige's face and stomps out of the attic. Raige peers through a spray of netting into commercial.
Attic. Piper pages diligently through the Book of Shadows, Raige patiently stitches away at the wedding dress, and Phoebe pouts in the corner with her panties in a regal wad. The Dolt orbs on in with The Sole. Phoebe bleats that The Sole shouldn't be there, but he insisted on returning to the Manor when the Dolt informed him of Piper's "urgent" call for assistance. Phoebe bitches briefly about Raige's purported mistake before the Dolt interrupts to ask Piper about the latest demon attack. Piper's found Coolio's entry, which identifies him as a "rare high-level demon with telekinetic powers." The Sole is surprised to hear that a Lazarus Demon found its way into the Manor. As the gang natters away at each other, the low-down gangsta dirt eddies up from the carpet. The Sole approaches Piper, asking, "Has he resurrected yet?" Cue Coolio. Raige notices him first and shouts a warning to Piper and the Dolt. Coolio pimp-smacks them across the room with a little TK. Raige hurriedly summons a sofa into position just in time to break Piper's fall. The Dolt, however, slams right into the floorboards. Heh. Coolio's puckering his lips again. I suppose this is the extent of his range as an actor. Good thing he still has that day job to fall back on. Then again, maybe he activates his telekinesis through those lips of his, as they appear to send a chandelier crashing down onto Phoebe's head. Piper rises to blow Coolio up, but he blows out of there before she gets a chance.