Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2002
Whatever. Were the cosmography of Charmed ever charted, I think we'd end up with a map featuring the Manor surrounded by a void labeled "Here Be Monsters," with a little slice of real estate devoted to the crack-addled writing staff. In any event, Cole -- known henceforth as The Sole until such time as TAFKATS sees fit to flee his body -- agrees with D'Eartha that the "white wedding" must be sabotaged to protect his potential progeny's birthright. He plans to set the Glamorous Ladies at each other's throats, with the help of some potions and a stunt-cast rap artist D'Eartha is to recruit for the mission. After ensuring the implosion of his intended's "perfect day," he'll somehow lure her into a dark wedding. What are the ingredients of a dark wedding? Why, a dark priest to perform the dark ceremony during the dark night in a dark graveyard, of course. Oh, and the dark groom will have to drink Phoebe's blood while he's at it. "And what are the chances of that?" D'Eartha snits. "Good," allows The Sole. "Very good." Credits. Finally.
Manor dining room. The rehearsal dinner seems to be winding down as the Ps, The Sole, the Dolt, Darryl, and Daddy Dearest snicker and guffaw amongst themselves over some wedding-related nonsense or another. This is the first time we've seen Daddy Dearest since The Late Lamented's funeral, by the way. He's jovial and amiable and giving the general impression that he's having a good time. I'm assuming he and Raige hashed out whatever issues they might have had with each other off-camera, because this episode is All About Phoebe. Pity. The Sole asks for quiet, and rises to his feet to present Darryl and the Dolt with their groomsmen's gifts. He calls the boys "two fine gentlemen," and admits that he chose them for the task because they're the only guys he knows. Snerk. The gifts are engraved Titleist Pro V1 brand golf balls. Ew. Darryl's delighted. The Dolt is despondent, for he does not golf. Daddy Dearest offers to take the Dolt's balls off his hands, and I refuse to comment on that. Phoebe retrieves the bridesmaids' gift baskets from a side table and presents them to Piper and Raige. The gifts include bonsai trees "for balance and harmony," and something called a dream catcher. Raige's basket also contains a new tarot deck, for which she is most grateful, as her current deck is a bit worn from use. I suppose I'll have to take her word for that, as we've never seen her give a tarot reading before on this show. The phone rings, and Phoebe's left Fun Bag drags her away from the table to answer it. Darryl and Daddy Dearest head to the front porch to smoke cigars while Piper and the Dolt dart over to the dessert table to scarf down some chocolate.