Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shannen sings!
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 01.19.1997
House Delta, Suite Shannen. Chloë lounges on the bed while Shannen readies for a date with Simon. In celebration of his birthday, she intends to treat him to a meal at a tony dining establishment. She even bought a new dress for the occasion -- a number she describes as "blue" and "really short." Because Simon wants his woman to dress like a five-dollar street whore. Shannen can’t find the dress, however, and begins to tear apart her closet. See where this is going? Good. Sly Chloë prates away in the background about how "Nick hit on [her]" and how "there’s something off about him. He’s way beyond his expiration date." Shannen’s not really paying attention, but does pause long enough to note, "Nick’s sweet." Sly Chloë glances at Shannen’s car keys, then asks why Shannen just doesn’t wear something else. Shannen fills her in on Simon’s hooker fetish. Chloë gets all smugly judgmental about wearing a particular item of clothing just because one’s significant other prefers it, like, shut up, psycho virgin. Shannen quite correctly calls her on that and darts back into her closet to find something else to wear. Chloë rises to leave, telling Shannen to "have fun" on her date. Before she walks out of the room, she palms Shannen’s car keys. Tony Dining Establishment. The camera pans across the room to land on Psycho Bitch Chloë striding in, clad in Shannen’s blue velvet hooker dress. Shyeah. Like those two are even close to being the same size. She stalks over to the bar area to set her sights on Simon, who’s perched on a stool. Psycho Bitch Chloë grins, um, psychotically. Suite Shannen. In a frenzy of tardiness-related anxiety, the lady of the suite rifles through her desk drawers for her car keys. Tony Diner. Psycho Bitch Chloë, having struck out with Nick the Silently Soulful, besets Simon instead. He compliments her on the hooker-wear. She tells him that Shannen and Nick are working on a new song for the band, so she decided to stop by the restaurant to keep him company. Oh, and to "give [him his] birthday present." Bamp chicka bamp bamp. Suite Shannen. Alison enters, and Shannen tries to get a ride to the restaurant from her. Alison has other plans. Shannen pleads. Alison snorts, "Aren’t you even going to ask me what my plans are? God, it’s always about you lately." Alison leaves. Shannen gapes. Tony Diner. The entirely inappropriate seduction of the adolescent continues. Chloë’s getting Simon all liquored, the better to have her way with him. Ew. House Delta. Shannen slams down the phone and barks, "He’s not home, and the restaurant doesn’t have any single guys waiting. Where is he?" Paige, to my delight: "What am I? Psychic?" Snicker. Diner. "Confidence is sexy," Chloë purrs, and I flash on a far better movie from the summer of 1999, wherein the intrepid Stan Marsh stumbled upon The Clitoris in all her glory. But I’m not recapping Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, so I’ll drop it. Chloë continues in that vein for a moment, then asks Simon if he’ll escort her to her car so she can give him his present. He agrees to do so. House Delta. Shannen frets, then shoves a fistful of potato chips into her mouth. Diner. "I love presents," slimes Simon. "Well, this is one you’ll never forget," Chloë oozes back at him. She tosses him up against the wall and starts dry-humping him as passersby all but stop to cheer.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next