Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shannen sings!
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 01.19.1997
Lavish House of Campus Coffee. Paige and another girl finalize plans for a "pinning ceremony" as Chloë bounces in with Paige’s trigonometry notes and homework. How very Gidget. The pinning ceremony and the trigonometry. Chloë’s really taking that kissing of Glamorous ass a little too far, by the way. Then again, she’s insane. Just in case you’ve forgotten about that subtle little detail of her character. Other Girl compliments Chloë on her manicure while Paige profusely thanks Chloë for her help. Other Girl thinks it’s "inhuman" for Chloë to be so good at so many different things. "You have to suck at something," she insists. Chloë pops a bread crumb into her mouth and admits she does suck at one thing: "People." "I never would have figured Alison for a groupie." Paige and Other Girl lean in for the dirt. "She got totally wasted last month at the Sweetheart dance and did Sammy," Chloë continues breathlessly. She whispers, "She thinks she’s pregnant." Paige wants the identity of Chloë’s source. Chloë says Shannen filled her in on all the sordid details. "She didn’t say it was a secret," Chloë lies, "but I think we should keep it quiet for Alison’s sake." Paige and Other Girl whip out matching cell phones to inform the entire campus. Out on the street, Alison stands anxiously at a pay phone. She’s talking to the clinic, and her test results are negative. She exuberantly leaps into Shannen’s arms. "I told you everything would be okay," Shannen says. Alison whoops and giggles and blurts out, "I’m so glad I’m not pregnant!" I’m so glad I can’t get pregnant. The gals clatter off down the street. Club Rendez-vous. In the upstairs lounge, the band plus Paige, Other Girl, and No -- The Other Other Girl engage in a rousing round of "I Never." Alison: "I never had sex in public." Sammy, Shannen, and Simon drink as I pray to God it wasn’t a three-way. Sammy: "I never barfed at a party." Excuse me? "I never barfed at a party"? How fucking lame are these people? When I would play this game in college, people would viciously toss out shit like "I never threw up while giving my girlfriend’s brother a blowjob" and "I never blew a vaginal fart during sex with my guidance counselor on the back seat of his wife’s Mercedes." Anyway, Alison and Paige drink at the barfing-at-a-party thing. Paige carries on with "I never made out with a teacher." To everyone’s surprise save mine, Psycho Bitch Chloë slugs back a mouthful of beer. Chloë then snidely announces, "I never thought I was pregnant." There follows a turd-in-the-punchbowl silence. Paige inquires quite sweetly (NOT), "Shouldn’t you drink, Alison?" Alison glares accusingly at Shannen, then shoots out of the room. Someone really needs to explain what the big, hairy deal is with all of this, because just about every woman I’ve known has thought she was pregnant at some point. With vastly varying degrees of horror from case to case, of course, but still.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next