Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shannen sings!
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 01.19.1997
Back at the sorority, the Glamorous Goddesses of House Delta are arranged on sofas and chairs in the den, mulling over the various character flaws of the latest rushees. Shannen reads from Sly Chloë’s essay: "I’m not expecting miracles. Just a place where I can learn and grow. A place where people share their thoughts and dreams, and accept each other. You all seem to have a sense of yourselves -- a center. A home. That’s why I want to be a Delta Lambda. Zanne Armstrong." Gag. Do I need to rant about how little learning, growing, and acceptance goes on in a sorority house? Because I’m only twelve minutes into this damn movie, and I’m already on page eight. Okay, good. Paige, upon hearing the Chloë’s name, cracks me up by raising her eyebrows, slitting her eyes, and sneering down her nose with an exaggeratedly icy "Who?" The other Glamorous Goddesses add their own bitchy remarks. "You guys, she’s shy," Shannen insists. "Not when it comes to eye make-up" comes the snide response. Snerk. Paige wants the last pledge opening to go to another woman. Shannen runs down the list of Chloë’s advantages, ending with that whole nonsense about prime placement in the yearbook for the sorority. As if anyone in college really gives a shit about the yearbook, and as if the Glamorous Goddesses of House Delta wouldn’t already have one of their own on staff if they did care. However, the Glamorous Goddesses apparently do give quite the shit about the yearbook and also lack a yearbook-staff plant, as Chloë is easily voted in despite Paige’s continued withering contempt. Cut to Chloë’s dorm room, where Shannen arrives with the good news. Chloë’s delighted and enthuses, "This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me." I think having a cross-dressing, meth-head notoriety-whore sociopath beat me to death with a claw hammer in a Minneapolis loft would be nicer than someone securing me a bid from a Greek house, but I suppose that’s just me. Cut once more to Chloë unloading her belongings from her Jeep to move into House Delta. No, you needn’t tell me pledges don’t move in right away, because I know that. You should toss that clue in the direction of the hacks responsible for this movie. Paige brushes past on her way to class, and Chloë promptly commences with the previously-promised kissing of Glamorous Goddess ass. She trails along behind Paige, complimenting her on her leadership abilities and fashion sense while promising to help out with Paige’s Statistics homework. Christ. And I thought I’d already met the ultimate black hole of emotional need. Cut yet again to the quad after English class. Chloë congratulates Shannen on getting her short story published in the campus’s literary magazine, and suggests heading out for dinner to celebrate. Shannen begs off, as she and Dred Peenc have a previously-scheduled rehearsal. They natter on a bit about how supposedly fabulous Die, Pink! is before Chloë manages to invite herself to that evening’s swinging jam sesh. Shannen and Chloë part company just as some dork with glasses, a goatee, and a tweed jacket calls out, "Suzanne? Suzanne Boxer?" A tense violin wails on the soundtrack as Chloë pulls a "you must be mistaken" on Dork Boy’s ass and hustles away.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next