Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shannen sings!
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 01.19.1997
Lair of the Adolescent. Filthy heterosexual intercourse in progress on the bed. Simon and Chloë indulge in a nooner as Shannen pulls up outside. Shannen strides through the outer rooms, calling out Simon’s name. He tries to shimmy into a pair of jeans, but Shannen flings open the bedroom door before he can even untangle himself from the covers. Shannen glares. Chloë adopts a smirk of triumph that even I want to smack off her face -- and I couldn’t give a toasted rat’s ass one way or the other about these relationships. Shannen squints, then turns on her heel and darts back out of the house. Simon moves to follow, but Chloë snits, "No! Let her go." Quad. Aftermath. Shannen stomps to class while Simon babbles excuses. He begs her to come back to the band. She begs him to get bent. Cut to the English classroom. Chloë apologizes profusely. Shannen tells her to shut up. The prof announces that today’s lecture involves "The Cask of Amontillado," which I too studied as a freshman. IN HIGH SCHOOL. Because Cese Viti’s freshman English class took place some time during the Pre-Cambrian period, I no longer remember the precise details of that piece. However, the details I do recall seem to have no bearing on the story at hand. So cram it, Hack Who Wrote This Teleplay. Chloë blithers on with the excuses, attempting to make it seem as if Simon were the true guilty party. Shannen again shuts her down. Forcefully. Chloë gets a deranged and dangerous look in her eye. The professor cuts in to tell them both to shut up or get the hell out of his classroom. Thank you, Professor Gunderson. Even though you still need to learn how to pronounce "Anaïs." And look up "Cheever" while you’re at it. Lavish House of Campus Coffee. Shannen and Nick huddle over a pair of lattes, bemoaning their plight as the camera spins around them in The Slow-Moving Circular Pan Of Blossoming Love. In the wake of Shannen’s split with Simon, Nick has also quit the band. Shannen urges him to reconsider, at least until Дэд Пинк has competed in the Battle of the Bands the following week. Nick can’t bring himself to do that. The band, to him, was not about competition. "It was about the music. And the fun." Without Shannen, he asserts, there’s no reason for him to continue. "I like backing you," he smiles shyly, looking down into his coffee cup. "I like writing with you. I’m your biggest fan, in case you haven’t noticed." He proposes that they enter the competition themselves. Shannen thinks Chloë would "blow [them] out of the water." Well, yeah, if she knew anything about munitions and you two owned a boat. Because she’s nutty that way. Nick tells her to consider the offer. "It’s open only to you. You’re irreplaceable." "So are you," she breathes, getting a little verklempt. He states softly, "You were always too good for Simon." Not to mention too old. "I wish someone would have told me that sooner," she shrugs. "There are a lot of things someone would like to tell you." Nick pauses, then adds, "When you’re ready." Okay, that scene was kind of sweet, despite the fact it belongs in an entirely different movie, and despite the fact that any young man who worships Shannen Doherty from afar is likely gay. Commercial.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next