Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shannen sings!
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 01.19.1997
Dead Pink is on stage, "performing." To my great dismay, Shannen is not the drummer. Rather, she’s the lead singer. And when I use the term "singer," said term is deployed as loosely as Shannen’s breasts are beneath her floral-patterned short-skirted shift. For someone who bemoans her "chicken legs" in interviews, she isn’t particularly concerned about showing them off whenever she gets a chance. Simon "plays" lead guitar, Sammy is "on" the bass, and an unidentified gent flails away at the drum kit. The song is bad, but Shannen’s "singing" is even worse. It’s obvious the actors aren’t really playing their instruments, so why couldn’t they get a real singer for Shannen to lip-synch to? Whatever. The song ends, and the Unfortunately-Not-Dead-Yet-Undeniably-Pink foursome heads off upstairs for a break between sets. On the way, they natter about some sort of Battle of the Bands Simon wants the group to enter. Sammy’s reluctant to do so, and who can blame him? His band sucks. Only that’s not the reason he gives. He’s not fond of the idea of "[filling] out, like, two zillion forms" and having their friend "Bryan" shoot the required video. After greeting Alison upstairs with a hug, Shannen orders the guys to hash out the details themselves and skips over to a table to "proof [her] story." Down in the main bar area, Chloë The Creepy Stalker Geek Girl gazes up at Shannen longingly. I’d make a Melissa-and-Tammy-Lynn joke here, but an Ellen-and-Anne joke would be more 1997. And pointless and unfunny to boot, so let’s carry on then, shall we? Simon and Sammy consult Nick The Little Drummer Boy for his opinion. Only they shovel on a steaming pile of hasty character exposition in the process. "You’re over there being your usual quiet self," Simon probes. "Thinking deep thoughts," Sammy adds, managing to wiggle his fingers, his eyebrows, and his goatee as he does so. Nick shrugs his shoulders a bit and says, "Let’s do it." So, Simon’s the leader, The Little Drummer Boy is silently soulful, and Sammy is stoned. Okay, then. Sammy bounds over to The Little Drummer Boy at the pool table while mumbling something about "skipping med school to cut an album that goes platinum," and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at his delusion. Sammy asks Nick if he’s playing pool by himself, which is not a sexual innuendo. Not at all. Unfortunately. Alison snots from the other end of the table, "What am I? Invisible?" No, honey. Not with those hideous tartan-plaid pants stretched across that acreage of your ass, you aren’t. That exchange between Sammy and Alison will play a part in later proceedings, so, you know, start taking notes. Simon, meanwhile, has crossed over to Shannen. The two canoodle for a bit while blathering about the "brilliance" of the short story she’s written to gain entry into an "advanced English class." Simon snarks Shannen won’t need the "sixteen extra credits" once Dëd Pyncke wins the Battle of the Bands. Shannen exposits that she "promised [her] parents" she’d graduate before pursuing a music career, which I must say is outstanding advice on her parents’ part given her utter lack of talent and ability. Throughout this exchange, Chloë The Creepy Stalker Geek Girl has been staring at the two from her seat below.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next