Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shannen sings!
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 01.19.1997
Swinging Jam Sesh. The rehearsal is being held in the off-campus house Simon shares with their aspiring filmmaker friend, Bryan. The exterior of the house looks suspiciously like the one from If These Walls Could Talk, but I can’t be certain. Through her nose Shannen shoots the final lyrics to a ditty called -- I’m guessing here -- "Don’t Be." The band members congratulate themselves. Needlessly. Bryan opines that their smash-hit "Stop" would make for better video fodder, as it possesses more "dramatic tension." Shut up, Bryan. He vaguely outlines his preliminary idea for the video, which involves rehearsal and performance footage intercut with scenes from a more formal video shoot in the desert. The band agrees to play it his way. Shannen crosses to Chloë, who’s been watching, star-struck, from the couch. We discover that Shannen writes all the lyrics, and Nick, The Silently Soulful Little Drummer Boy, provides the melodies. Chloë states that her favorite part of "Don’t Be" is the chorus, which she proceeds to belt out. The band is suitably impressed, and, actually, Jennifer Blanc’s singing voice is much stronger than Shannen Doherty’s. Yeah, that’s not saying much, but still. After a little prodding, Chloë is persuaded to perform a duet with Shannen. Not only can Chloë sing, she can also improvise harmony as well. This is the way we roll our eyes, roll our eyes, roll our eyes. This is the way we roll our eyes -- then claw them out in the morn-ing. The ditty they mangle goes something like this:Trains run underground. We’re on the same track, up and down. You get so far, then you ignite. Burning every time with your bridges linked to mine. You work so hard -- then we collide. Don’t be everything around you and then be sad. Don’t be everybody’s hero and then get mad. Don’t be sorry. Don’t be -- I don’t want to hear about it. Don’t be -- I don’t want to know about it anymore. Anymore. Sometimes you get scared -- you know the truth is way out there, And it shatters just as you arrive. You lay back doing time while your one-track open mind Pulls farther over your pair of tights.Okay, not so much the bit about the tights, but I lack closed captioning. Given their problems with enunciation, that’s the best I can do. For the full effect, however, you must read the lyrics aloud after having thrown your voice up into the approximate area of your sinuses. Elongate every "e" you come upon with your tone pitched to a shrill whine. Then multiply how horrible you sound by a factor of seventy, and you’ll come close to how horrible these women actually sound.
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