Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Shannen sings!
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 24 | Aired on 01.19.1997
House Delta. Shannen waits impatiently on line with a group of random students for a little face time with the woman from KLA. When her turn comes, the reporter pokes the microphone into her gob and demands, "Did you know the girl who almost died of alcohol poisoning?" Oh, this should be good. Shannen’s eager expression drops. She stammers out a "no" while thinking, "'Poisoning'? I was only up to a point-one-two." The KLAdy continues, "Isn’t it true she was declared clinically dead after a hazing?" Shannen panics and starts screaming, "I had nothing to do with it! Really! I was at the Jack in the Box with Dean! No wait, I mean Ashley! No, Hamilton, you stupid sack of shit! No -- it was, um, oh -- fuck you! Stop looking at me like that! I WILL NOT TAKE A FUCKING BREATHALYZER, DO YOU HEAR ME? Where’s my fucking lawyer, huh? WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?" Okay, you got me. She actually just babbles some platitudes about the Greek system before launching into a plug for her band. The KLAdy is not having it and tells her cameraman to cut off the tape. She then gives Shannen a verbal smack in the teeth, chiding her for trying to turn a "serious" news item about drinking on campus into an infomercial for some pointless Battle of the Bands. Shannen, humiliated, mumbles an apology and insists she’s opposed to drinking on campus. Yeah, let’s keep it behind the wheel where it belongs, right? I’m sure even Trevor Rhys-Jones would agree with that. Oh, wait. Lair of the Adolescent. Shannen storms in to find the band running through yet another of its atrocities as Dawson weaves through with his camera. The song isn’t the one that ends up in the video, so I won’t bother with the lyrics. Chloë’s singing lead while screwing Simon with her eyes. Simon isn’t exactly displeased with the attention. Shannen takes it all in, growing angrier by the moment. The band finishes, and Shannen immediately tears Chloë a new one over the KLA mix-up. Chloë feigns ignorance, which seems to come naturally for her even if that is a bleach job she’s sporting up there. Dawson, Simon, and Sammy each get a few digs in at Shannen’s expense before she finally loses it and stomps back outside. Simon grimaces and chases after her. He apologizes and convinces Shannen to return to the Lair for rehearsal. House Delta, Suite of Madness. Chloë scribbles some Leonard Cohen lyrics onto a sheet of loose-leaf paper. I’m no big Cohen fan, so I don’t recognize the song. The lines do, however, include "Last night I heard you making love to him/The struggle mouth to mouth and limb to limb." One is left to wonder if Mr. Cohen appreciates being used as a cudgel. Ow. The scene shifts to Nick sitting alone in the lavishly-appointed campus coffee house. Seriously, there are tablecloths with little, shaded silver lamps and everything. Chloë enters, presents the plagiarized lyrics as her own, and shyly asks for his opinion of her work. "I respect your opinion so much," she coos. "Sometimes I think I’m the only one." She then offers Nick access to her honey pot. Nick tells her to make like a tree. "What’s the matter?" Chloë sneers. "You afraid of girls?" "No," he replies evenly. "Just you…you can forget about trying to replace [Shannen]. Okay?" "[Shannen]?" Chloë snorts. "You want [Shannen]? Don’t you know you make her skin. Crawl?" She snatches up her purse and flounces off. Nick rips the plagiarized lyrics in half without reading them.Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25Next