Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Li'l Orphan Retard
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.15.2006
Ruh-Roh howls and wails for a moment, then glows white before quietly fading away. That was rather anticlimactic, don't you think? Piper and the Nit!wits congratulate each other as the shot cross-fades into...
...the Closing Travelogue. After night passes into day above the city, we head back to the Manor, where Piper, Raige, and, eventually, the Feebs gather in the parlor to process through their Issues Of The Week, which is completely ridiculous because they didn't have any tonight. Raige is still clad in her matching sundress and hat, and Phoebe's unfettered fun bags are sloshing around beneath a spaghetti-strapped top she fashioned from -- I swear to God -- the tattered remnants of the peach-colored chiffon gown my grandmother was buried in twenty-seven years ago. Next!
Not!warts. Candor meditates in Snidely's old study as Openly Evil Chrissssty stalks up behind him. "Piper didn't call me," she seethes. "It was you, wasn't it?" "I did what was necessary," Candor candidly replies. See what I did there? Whatever! CANCELLED! Candor continues to bait Chrissssty, and she soon enough rises to it. "Bastard!" she shrieks while she -- get this -- rams her fist and forearm straight through his chest and out his back. Hooray! Candor coughs and gags a bit before spluttering, "Congratulations. You just passed. The final. Tessssst!" And with that, he bursts into flame from the ground up before exploding into a ball of fire, never once dropping his gaze from Chrissssty's as her face contorts itself in a mix of anger at him for what he did to her parents, grief over the deaths of those parents themselves, and newfound fear of herself and her capabilities. Once Candor vanishes, Chrissssty stands for a moment alone, gaping down at her gore-spattered arm before the final cut to black engulfs her.
Next week, The Ultimate Retard gets flipped into a rock. It's fun for the whole family!