Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Li'l Orphan Retard
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.15.2006
Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty pours herself a Secretly Evil Glass Of Orange Juice while The Ultimate Retard enterszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Long story short, to avoid being recognized by Ryan and thus blowing her cover, Chrissssty abruptly changes her mind about meeting up with Ma and Pa Retard. She and Maggot Neck therefore need to leave, now. As Chrissssty drags her sister out of the frame, the screen flares white once more to dump us in...
...the abandoned warehouse where Rondok and Pator have been busily killing time when they haven't been busily killing Nit!wits, and I'm now realizing what a shame it is that they decided to focus so much attention on La Famille Retard this episode, because not only are David Lee and John Rosenfeld doing a pretty good job as the demons of the week, but these two characters themselves -- in this scene, at least -- are far more interesting that Maggot Neck and her entire clan could ever hope to be. Rondok, you see, displays the sort of overweening pride that shall certainly result in his downfall by the end of the evening, while Pator's far more dejectedly resigned to his...oh, fuck it. They're both going to be dead in about twenty minutes, so who the hell cares? CANCELLED! The boys decide that Candor can rot in hell for all they care -- Rondok and Pator are going to locate Ryan and Jen and then kill them. So there. "Now where are we?" Phoebe whispers as the screen flares white again to haul us back to...
...the Manor, as it was on February 17, 1924. Phoebe and Coop huddle behind a clutch of rosebushes -- in full bloom despite the date, of course, because this show is ass, and I want to die -- as Pre-Feebs, Pre-Feebs's forearm hair, and Anton slink out into the garden to mack, and oh, my sweet Jesus. Owen covered this when it originally aired, and thank God for that, because when Pre-Feebs's lewdly explicit tongue-dance with Anton begins, I can feel free to avert my eyes before they boil out of my skull, thereby rendering me blind. EW! By the way, I don't know if the music underscoring it all is in the original episode, but whoever composed it was clearly ripping off "Sentimental Journey." Get it? No, seriously, do you get it? You know, with Phoebe revisiting her past loves...oh, whatever. CANCELLED! Coop wonders why things didn't work out between Pre-Feebs and Anton, we get a brief glimpse of Anton's vanquish, and then we're off to rewatch yet another scene that originally aired in the last year. Damn you, Zane! Coop and the Feebs link hands again and port from Past Not!warts back to The Hagquarters, where Coop -- stupidly, for he is a Cupid, and Cupids are supposed to have this information at their twinkly little fingertips -- asks Phoebe what her longest relationship was. "Cole," Phoebe glums. Before we get some McMahon flashback action, however, we must head over to...