Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Li'l Orphan Retard
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.15.2006
The Recently Luxuriously Refurbished Historic Fairmont Hotel On Scenic Nob Hill In San Francisco. Aftermath. The Ultimate Retard and Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty race into the suite from the hall to find both of their parents dead on the floor, and, uh, yeah. I'll be skipping ahead, here, because Kaley Cuoco's horrendous attempts at expressing shock and anguish and terror and sudden, overwhelming sorrow and grief just...they just...I mean...wow. She's, like...wow. Speechless. I'm speechless. Her unimaginable levels of sheer and utter badness have left me beyond the capacity for speech. Besides, Chrissssty's got her jammed up against the wall right now, and I'm counting at least eight folds in her neck. Oh, wait. One of those is her chin. My bad. So, seven, then. That shit is just disgusting. I think at some point during this scene, Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty orders her gross and talent-free sister back to the latter's dorm room because whatever whacked their parents will likely be coming for The Ultimate Retard next, but Chrissssty must be bluffing, or something, because she knows that if anything threatens Maggot Neck, all Maggot Neck need do is think about it real hard for a second and the threat will disappear because, you know, THE ULTIMATE RETARD CAN ALTER REALITY WITH HER MIND. Speaking of which, why doesn't she think real hard for a second and revivify her battered and broken parents? Oh, sorry. I forgot: Whatever! and CANCELLED! There. That's better. Is this scene over yet? Good.
The Abandoned Warehouse Of Supposedly Unvanquishable Wickedness. Ringadingding decides to go after the Nit!wits one more time. George C. Scott demurs. Guess who's going to make it to next week? Ooops! Spoiler!
Manor. After a few final words of encouragement, Piper arms Ryan and Jen with a couple of vanquishing vials each before breaking the protective circle of Mystical Crysticals. Rashomon squiggles in almost immediately, positively spewing Flaming Balls Of Death left and right. One nails Piper in the right shoulder, and she hits the floor like a...like a...like a Piper-shaped floor-hitting thing. Brains still don't working so goodly after Kaley cry. Jen slams her two vials into Ricky Ricardo's chest and yanks Ryan -- who'd snipered to the carpet in a dodge when Rocky Raccoon entered -- to his feet so the two Nit!wits might recite the following from memory:
Demon of fire, demon of pain:
We banish you to the Astral Plane.