Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Li'l Orphan Retard
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.15.2006
...Snidely's old study at Not!warts, where Openly Evil Chrissssty paces past Candor while continuing to rant, "It's like Death By Dinner! Do you know how hard it is to smile when you're nauseous?" No, but I do know how hard it is to smile when I'm nauseated, you moron. Shut up, Chrissssty. She ignores me, choosing instead to bicker with Candor over their Nefarious Demonic Plot For World Domination, which involves Chrissssty drawing The Ultimate Maggot Neck out from beneath the Charmed Ones' influence without allowing herself to be drawn in by the Manor Morons' promise of a normal life, or whatever. I so do not care, so it's quite fortunate that some off-screen entity shrieks in agony at this point, for we must now zip out into...
...the Not!warts Not-So-Great Hall, where a young man writhes in pain on the faux-marble flooring while two black-clad demonic sorts zap him with their electric wands. Yes, it is exactly as filthy as it reads on the page. "Shoe's on the other foot now!" one of the demons sneers. "How's it feel, witch?" By the way, some of you might recognize the tortured young man as the recent crispy critter with the mysterious heart condition on House. I didn't recognize him from that at all because I've long since given up on hourlong dramas involving hospitals and forensic science, but thanks to the miracle of the Internet Movie Database, I now have a nickname for the kid until we hear his real one. Which, as you well know by now, might never happen this evening. In any event, Candor and Chrissssty stomp into the chamber from the hall, with Candor raging, "What's going on? No one is to be here!" "Back off, old man," tonight's lead demon seethes, winning himself a violent telekinetic slam into a nearby wall from the supremely unamused Triad, who keeps the demon pinned to the wall while speechifying, "I will not be disparaged by the likes of you!" Candor then clenches his outstretched hand into a fist and twists his wrist around, as if in an attempt to rearrange the demon's internal organs to the point that the demon himself bursts into a Waste-Land-bound gout of flame and splattery gore. The expected vanquish doesn't happen, for whatever reason, but the demon does lose his grip on his electric wand due to the searing pain of the entire experience. The Crispy Critter takes this opportunity to scramble to his feet as best he can and lurch past Chrissssty down the hall. "Stop him!" the primary demon howls at the secondary...oh, the hell with it. Let's get all of the necessary exposition out of the way right now, even though we don't actually learn any of this for another couple of scenes. They're brothers, these two -- "Noxon" demons ["Hee!" -- Sars] rendered unvanquishable thanks to some sort of genetic fiddling performed by a group of higher-level Underworld types in the past, or whatever. I looked up the characters' identities on both the IMDb and TV.com and found different names for each demon in each place, because this show is a great, heaping mass of sucktastic garbage so long past its expiration date, not even the fanboy gearheads who maintain those two sites give a flying rat's ass about it anymore. So, I'm going to have to guess that the primary demon is named Rondok and his brother is named Pator, and you'll have to like it. Okay? Okay.