Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Li'l Orphan Retard
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.15.2006
Or not, as the case may be, as we return to the nonexistent attic, where Piper busies herself setting up a protective circle of Mystical Crysticals, all the while blathering on about how the Dolt's "seriously indisposed at the moment," and I'm still not caring about any of this because THE ULTIMATE RETARD CAN ALTER REALITY WITH HER MIND. Next!
Phoebe and Stoopid Coopid heart onto a college quad, which Phoebe claims is "where Cole and [she] first met," and no. NO. Phoebe and Cole met in a dank and forbidding alleyway of doom in the presence of The Late Lamented, then they met again at the arraignment hearing for the demonically influenced nutjob who was arrested in that dank and forbidding alleyway of doom for assaulting Detective Doormat, and THEN they met on this campus quad. Read the recap, crackmonkeys. GOD, I hate this show. Phoebe and Stoopid Coopid duck behind a bulletin board to watch the admittedly cute scene that follows play out. "So, what happened?" Stoop wonders, referring to Phoebe and Cole's relationship. "The same thing that always happens," she glooms, and the next thing we know, Phoebe and Stoopid Coopid heart their way over to...
...a scene that should not be a part of these flashbacks, because it took place in an alternate reality of Cole's devising that this reality's Phoebe has no memory of, and I hate this show, and I want to die, even though this awful, stupid, awful, evil show has at long last been CANCELLED! Seriously, though, why in hell did they insert this particular vanquish into this subplot? They have one that this reality's Phoebe actually did participate in, you know, and one that was more emotionally damaging to her at the time. Whatever! CANCELLED! Stoop and the Feebs babble some more at each other before hearting on out of there.
Manor, and not caring! As Piper and Maggot Neck complete a protective circle of Mystical Crysticals on the main floor, Raige -- quite simply to justify Rose McGowan's paycheck this week, I suppose -- orbs in from her honeymoon to check up on how things are going, and I mention it only because she's wearing a sundress and matching hat in yet another shade of blue a woman with her pallid skin tone should not be caught dead wearing, like, what the hell? Did they go and rehire Eilish without telling me? Because, seriously, between Maggot Neck's assy hair and Raige's deeply inappropriate color palate, that entire production department's gone entirely off the rails this evening. In any event, Raige orbs back to Tahiti just in time for the screen to flare white once more, escorting us again to...