Episode Report Card 1 USERS: B YOU GRADE IT Li'l Orphan Retard
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.15.2006
La Famille Retarrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. If I'd remained conscious for this scene, I suspect I would have watched Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty slowly melting under the ardent affection of her parents before she received a mysterious-sounding call from Piper summoning her back to the Manor. I'm also fairly certain I would have caught Patron and Ronkadonk squiggling into the hotel hallway after Chrisssssty left. However, as I was passed out and drooling three seconds after the scene began, I'll never be able to tell you for sure.
Broken Marriage Boudoir. Piper sits on the bed studying the Dolt's box of Not!warts notes, and what do we say whenever we return to this subplot? That's right: We no longer care about this subplot because THE ULTIMATE RETARD CAN ALTER REALITY WITH HER MIND, and this show sucks, and we want to die, and CANCELLED! And it's made even worse by the creepy and silent entrance of The Dead-Eyed Psycho, and not because he finally speaks in full sentences for the first time ever -- which, yeah. Little bemulleted freak is even more terrifying when he actually has lines -- but because remember way back when, when The Littlest Psycho was The Ultimate Power? How he immolated demons just by STARING at them? Yeah. Between The Ultimate Retard and The Dead-Eyed Psycho, this stupid issue should have been resolved a half an hour ago, even without the Power of Three, which, as you'll recall, meant that the Glamorous Ladies themselves represented The Ultimate Power too many years ago to count. God, I hate this show.
Piper arrives on the main floor from above just in time for Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty to return from the hotel, wondering what gives with the mysterious-sounding summons I don't remember at all because I slept through it. Chrissssty, not nearly as stupid as her scraggly haired retard of a sister who now nevertheless represents The Ultimate Power, quickly realizes something is very, very wrong, and spins around to drag Maggot Neck back to the hotel, where...
...Pa Retard bursts through his room's door just in time to spot Patton slowly rising from Ma Retard's lifeless and bloody corpse. Well, "bloody," because I haven't seen shit that fake on this show since the third season. Whatever. CANCELLED! Ramalamadingdong menacingly shuts the door behind Pa Retard's back. The click of the latch spins Pa Retard right into the final commercial break.