Episode Report Card Demian: C | 178 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The First)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 2003.05.11
Whitelighterland. Everyone's dead. The Dolt drops to his knees in agony and angst. Fortunately, tonight's director has chosen to film the Dolt's agony and angst from as far across the soundstage as possible, so the audience is spared the terrifying sight of The Constipated Chimpanzee Face Of Unbearable Anguish And Torment. Rather, we focus on the very dead Elder Elder in the foreground before cutting away to the final commercial break of the first hour.
Attic. The C.S.I. leprechaun, whom I'm just going to call "Mike," doses Tacky Raige with one of his trouser nuggets. That goddamned undead fairy queen then sprinkles a little zombie dust on Tacky Raige's head, and Lead Dwarf whacks at her with his axe. Nothing happens. Phoebe encourages them to keep trying, then heads over to see what Big Gay Chris is up to at the bookcase. He's examining the antiques, of course, and he affably notes, "You know, you guys keep these things for-ever." Phoebe cuts to the chase: "You knew about the [ever-useless] Elders, didn't you?" Piper barrels in as Big Gay Chris admits that he did indeed know what would happen, but that those who sent him instructed him to allow the Glamorous Ladies to figure things out on their own. Phoebe's not entirely satisfied with this answer, and Piper's even less satisfied when her son answers her own query with another of his, as she puts it, "cryptic crap" responses. She orders him upwards to fetch his errant dad back to the Manor. Chris agrees, but urges them to focus on freeing Auntie Raige while he's gone. "You're gonna need her," he promises, "soon."
Once he's orbed away, Piper gets in a good one with, "I swear to God, if he does not come back with [the Dolt], I'm going to blow his ass back to the future -- orbs and all!" Phoebe suggests Piper spend time with The Woefully Neglected Done One while she deals with Tacky Raige.
Whitelighterland. Were there actual scenery to chew up there on the sparse Heaven set, Brian Krause would be munching on it at this very moment. Big Gay Chris orbs in and convinces his enormous ham of a father to unleash The Mythological Mojo on the Glamorous Ladies. Scene.
Back in the attic, the assembled Stoopid Magikal Kreatures combine the zombie dust, the trouser nuggets, a Phoebe potion vial, and an axe to free Raige from her tacky fiberglass prison. Phoebe races over to drag Raige downstairs for a processing summit with Piper. "You're welcome!" Lead Dwarf shouts at their backs. Oooh. Snap!