Episode Report Card Demian: C | 178 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The First)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 2003.05.11
Antarctica. The Xena Twins natter about all the wicked, wicked things they intend to do once they free this Cronus person from his pillar of ice. Xena Girl, henceforth known as Boobarella for what should be obvious reasons, vanishes to "get the Whitelighters" while Xena Boy, now known as Bogtrotter, morphs into a crappy CGI tornado that rises into the sky to blast the ice pillar with a couple of lightning bolts. Well. That was dull.
Speaking of dull, Piper's joined the Dolt and The Rapidly Aging Done One in a park for Darryl's son's birthday party. Darryl pulls a quarter from behind his son's ear, leading the Dolt to snark about Darryl's feeble sleight of hand. Drop dead, Dolt. The stunning Mrs. Darryl joins the group to chat for a bit until the ever-useless Elders ring the Dolt's bell. Piper and the Dolt glance uneasily at Mrs. Darryl, who simply flashes them a dazzling smile. "She knows," Darryl stage-whispers. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me," Mrs. Darryl beams, all shiny and pretty. "Argue away!" Please don't encourage them, Mrs. Darryl. Piper and the Dolt whip out the therapy-speak, all, "I think you should know that I feel as if you're abandoning me," and "I accept that you feel as if I'm abandoning you," and "I appreciate that you accept my feelings of abandonment," and blah blee blither zip it, because David and Keith mastered this schtick months ago on Six Feet Under. Darryl and Mrs. Darryl snicker about the bickering marrieds' use of "The Tools." "I think I hate The Tools," Piper admits. "I'd rather just snipe later than be open and honest about my feelings now." This is news? The Dolt darts off to find a private spot to orb on out of there. Piper exchanges a supposedly light-hearted smirk with Mrs. Darryl, but you can tell she's wicked pissed, and I'm sorry, but she's got a hell of a lot of gall to whine about her husband's repeated absences in front of a cop's wife. Suck it up already or divorce him, Piper. Millions of men and women deal with situations similar to yours without shrieking about it every five goddamned minutes, you tedious, peevish shrike.