Episode Report Card Demian: C | 178 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Revenge Of The Big Gay Done One (Part The First)
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 22 | Aired on 2003.05.11
Over on Prescott Street, Phoebe clomps onto the sun porch to whine about the Manor's lack of air conditioning. Piper fans herself languidly and notes that, as the temperature in San Francisco rarely heads north of seventy-five degrees, they've never had need of it before. "Well, it's ninety now," Phoebe bitches, pouring herself a glass of iced tea, and as someone who's survived fifteen summers in Chicago without the benefit of artificially cooled air in any of my various apartments, I feel compelled to tell her to -- yep, you guessed it -- shut the fuck up. Speaking of shutting Phoebe up, Piper casually passes the latest phone bill over to her wildly verbose sister. Seems Phoebe's been racking up the international charges with constant calls to Chronic, and I'm not going to bother wondering why these charges would appear on the Manor's bill when Phoebe has a goddamned cell phone. Phoebe babbles an apology before noticing Piper's unnatural Zen-like calm regarding the whole thing. "Who are you," she squints suspiciously, "and what have you done with my sister?" Foreshadowing, already half in the bag even though it's well before noon, cracks open another Old Milwaukee pounder and lurches past the gals into the parlor. Foreshadowing's a "hey, it's after five o'clock somewhere in the world" kind of guy, in case you couldn't have guessed. "What?" Piper asks innocently. "I can't be in a good mood?" Well, I'm sure you can, dear, but considering what an unreasonable shrew you've been all season, I don't find Phoebe's question that odd.
Piper exposits that The Rapidly Aging Done One's finally sleeping through the night, her "hormones are back in whack," and she and the Dolt are…"Back in the saddle?" Phoebe leers before adding, "God, I miss sex!" Here's a nickel, you dingbat tramp. Get six more and you can call someone who cares. "I gotta tell you," Piper shrugs, "life is feeling pretty damn good at the moment." "Dare I say it?" Phoebe grins. "It's what they pay you for," Foreshadowing mumbles through a mouthful of beer as he flops sweatily onto one of the sofas. "Your life is almost normal," Phoebe finishes. "There is nothing normal about this heat," Raige segues awkwardly as she drags her sleep-deprived derriere onto the sun porch from the hall. Expository chatter ensues. Raige insists that her "fiery dreams" combined with the bizarre heat wave indicate something demonic is afoot. Piper and Phoebe stare at her blankly. Raige rolls her eyes and heads upstairs to "hit the books so [she] can figure out what the hell is going on." "Should we be worried?" inquires the Feebs. "I don't think so," Piper opines, "but I just wish she'd stop looking for trouble, because with our luck, she's gonna find it." "BRAAAP," belches Foreshadowing from the depths of the couch.