Episode Report Card Demian: F | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Jesus Is Just Alright With Me
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.07.2005
What? Sarah McLachlan? Groaning out "Fallen" again? Yeah, they've recycled travelogue ovaries before -- mainly because someone on staff really, really wants to fuck Liz Phair -- but they've never recycled the same fucking song. God, I hate this show. Anyway, after a lengthy and languorous opening travelogue that nearly tosses me into a com,a what with the ovary's over-familiar droning and such, we finally cross-fade over to Prescott Street, where Piper's just finished retrieving a voicemail from the Psycho's preschool wrangler. She heaves a fretful sigh and rejoins Raige at the table, where the two women puzzle through the recent spate of demonic incursions into the Manor. Raige notes with mild alarm that the strapping pre-credits intruder "even looked kind of human," and so adds a bit of mandrake root to her vanquishing potion, on the off chance they're dealing with shape-shifters. Piper realizes the last relevant attack coincided with the last call from the Psycho's preschool. "You're right!" Raige brightly agrees, before shifting into an overly accusatory tone and adding, "Do you think [the Psycho's] creating these demons?" "That's ridiculous!" Piper scoffs. Raige peevishly reminds Piper of the dragon incident from last season. "One lousy dragon!" Piper howls. "And you're gonna hold it against him for his entire life?"
Phoebe, barely wearing a stripey satin top with white chiffon accents that seems better suited for beachwear -- in Hell -- bounces into the nonexistent room to get the skinny on the latest demonic assault upon the Manor. Piper and Raige immediately descend into rampant bickering and bitchery over the Psycho's possible involvement, with Raige sneering that the Psycho's "been isolating himself at preschool and only talking to himself." "That's odd," Phoebe frowns. "No," Piper counters impatiently, "it's not odd. Just because he's talking to himself does not mean he's creating demons." No, it means he's planning to slaughter you all in your sleep and assume control of the Nexus. "Except he's kind of quiet around home," Phoebe reminds her. "Kind of"? Try "eerily, creepily, and murderously" there, and maybe I'll start to agree with you. Also, you idiots are just realizing this now? No wonder the mutant little freak ends up destroying the planet. In any event, Phoebe busts out some of her recently acquired psychological insight regarding the stages of child development -- because she's already enrolled in classes at Berkeley, despite having announced her intention to return to school a mere week ago, because this show sucks, and I want to die -- and claims that by this point, the Psycho "should be talking to other people and not just himself." "I'm very sorry you went back to college," Piper scowls. Like, you're not the only one, hon. Not by a long shot. "But it's really helping me with my column," Phoebe dizzes, before pulling herself out of the self-obsession long enough to admit, "and that has nothing to do with [the Psycho] creating demons." Phoebe then goes on to natter something useless about "Freudian transference" (that Piper dismisses as "mumbo-jumbo") before spinning on her heel to head across the bay to consult with her professor. The instant Phoebe's vanished down the stairs, Raige and Piper howl at each other about something involving the phones that makes so little sense, I'll be ignoring it entirely, because the very thought of attempting to address it makes my eyes tear up and my nose bleed.