Episode Report Card Demian: F | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Jesus Is Just Alright With Me
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.07.2005
Manor. Piper, in a red fury over what she believes to be an attack on her son, storms into the nonexistent attic for a little enraged Book abuse as Phoebe and Boring Jesus trail behind her, ineffectually arguing that the gentleman Boring Jesus spotted in Prue Memorial might be harmless. "He wasn't threatening at all," Boring Jesus offers. "Maybe he was an imaginary friend?" Phoebe guesses. "No!" Piper snaps. "Imaginary friends are imaginary; hence, the name." Oh, like you've never encountered supposed figments of a child's imagination that turned out to be actual, honest-to-God Stoopid Magikal Kreatures before, Piper. Stow it. Piper, perhaps mercifully for her sake, doesn't recall that particularly asinine episode, and so orders Boring Jesus to the Book to identify the entity he saw in the nursery. Phoebe too-casually inquires as to the well being of Boring Jesus's cousins -- and see what I meant with the hypocritical Feebs and the future talk? -- a line of questioning Piper fortunately shuts down instantly just as Boring Jesus himself lands on Vicus's entry in the Book. "I think you're right," Boring Jesus breathes. "Vicus is a demon who preys on children," Piper reads, "turning them down the path of evil." And there is absolutely no way -- NO WAY -- they would have overlooked this entry last season when everyone -- but most especially Big Gay Chris -- was focused solely on vanquishing Those Who Might Maybe Turn The Psycho To The Dark Side. AND, even if Vicus somehow slipped through their fingers then, how did he make it through the demon-sporking tear the Glamorous Ladies embarked upon in anticipation of this season's Change? Oh, what-the-fuck-ever. I hate this show. All eight godawful, hideous seasons of it. Yeah, I know we haven't seen the eighth yet, but do you honestly believe it's going to get any better at this point in the game? Ack.
ANY-way, Hugo and two of his best hipster buds ray into the nonexistent room at this point to provide Vicus with that distraction he ordered before the last commercial break. Hugo's got a pair of these sweet supernatural whips that flail through the air in lashes of bright blue mojo. He lands a well-placed lick on the Book, which sets off a small protective blast of energy that knocks Piper backwards to the floor. Hugo's gal pal, meanwhile, hurls a reflective orb at Phoebe's head. The skank drops to the floor in a dodge that sends the orb sailing past to destroy a table at the far side of the room.
Meanwhile, down in the kitchen, the Dolt hears the familiar sounds of a demonic battle erupting far above his head and so -- get this -- leaves the kids alone to go check on Piper. Idiot. Once the neglectful asshole's ambled around the corner into the main hall, Vicus materializes and coos something sinister at the Psycho about Crusty Ted while holding out his hands to receive the thing. The Psycho hesitates.