Episode Report Card Demian: F | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Jesus Is Just Alright With Me
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.07.2005
Not!warts. As the dead-eyed Psycho vengefully fashions new and exciting weapons from Matchbox cars and building blocks for eventual use against poor, neglected, and doomed Tiny Gay Chris, the Dolt, perched on a nearby sofa, urges Piper to recite the following from the Book of Shadows:
Evil taints what was once held dear:
Remove this curse away from here.
Nothing happens, much as nothing happened after "the last fifteen spells" the Dolt had Piper cast. "What if it's not just [Crusty Ted]?" she wonders quietly, with a bit of defeated resignation coloring her tone. "What if the problem is [the Psycho]?" Hello! That's what I've been saying for the better part of two years now. Sigh. The Dolt, of course, is sickened, repulsed, and deeply insulted at the very notion the fruit of his loins could be fundamentally and irreparably damaged. He shouldn't be so surprised. I mean, he has looked in a mirror recently, hasn't he? Nevertheless, the Dolt exhorts Piper not to lose faith before the two process through yet another round of their tedious, tiresome parenting issues. At some point during all of this, the Dolt stumbles across a realization that will eventually solve their current problem. It involves Vicus winning the Psycho's trust and the need for the Psycho's parents to recapture the same, and it doesn't make any goddamned sense, because these two and her sisters have done nothing but lavish the bemulleted mutant with praise and affection -- to the notable detriment of the other infant in the Manor, I might add -- so why would any of them need to regain the Psycho's trust? Unless, of course, the Psycho really is a demon child. Whatever. I don't care anymore, so let's get to the part where Mangy Jesus darklights into the Not-So-Great Hall to make with the menacing and the snide remarks and such. He intends to abscond with the Psycho so his parentals won't screw him up again by turning him good. Piper just as snidely assures him he'll have little choice in the matter. "What are you gonna do, Mom?" Mangy Jesus sneers. "Kill me to protect me?" "It's a thought," she snaps back at him. "You always said spanking was barbaric," he scoffs, so Piper unleashes her Hands in his direction, sending him ass over end across the room, where he vanquishes a vase with what appears to be his wig. There are more threats of violence from both sides until Mangy darklights over to the coffee table at which his parents had been sitting and attempts to snatch up the Book. For some reason, the Book repels this advance, despite the fact that we know Mangy Jesus has no problems lugging the thing around in that alternate future Big Gay Chris traveled into the past to change. Mangy, thus thwarted as far as the Book is concerned, turns his attention to his younger self, deploying a little darklighting telekinesis to summon the Psycho and Crusty Ted to his side. He kneels, simmers, "Don't wait up for me," and darklights into the final commercial break with both brat and bear.