Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Zodiac Killers
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.11.2006
Back in the Manor, Doberman's in a decidedly more affable mood as he assures Piper, "We do not wish to harm you. We thought you had stolen the sacred staff." "Don't you guys talk to each other?" she frowns. Much gross stupidity follows when Doberman terms Lo Pan a mere "servant" "who speaks only when spoken to" and who "should have hidden The Sacred Garden better from the demons," and shut up, Doberman, and drop fucking dead, for all the same reasons I screamed in Dumb Magnus's direction earlier. Piper huffily reminds Doberman that had Lo Pan not anticipated this latest attack, the demons in question would already be in possession of Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake, and I don't want to tell Piper to shut up, too, but...shut up, Piper. Novak's been peppering the transfer ceremony with Flaming Balls Of Death each and every goddamned year for decades, so everyone involved should have anticipated this latest attack. Uch. This show. I swear to God. "Point taken," Doberman concedes despite my howls of agony, thus somehow cementing the truce between the Signs and Piper, for she next sighs, "So I guess you guys heard about Chicken," and he doesn't reply by pelting her in the teeth with his sandal for her cultural insensitivity. Heh.
And then there's more raging brainlessness when Piper simply offers to hand Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake over to the remaining Signs, who decline because transferring the thing before midnight would upset the balance, but since the balance is already upset what with "Buffalo" Piper holding the thing during the closing hours of dead Kentucky Fried Chicken's year and all, and especially considering what happens at the end of the episode when the Zodiacs elevate Lo Pan to...you know what? Fuck it. I want this over with. Now. So long story short, the Signs refuse to accept Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake from Piper just as Pretty Pretty Novak appears with his minions to cremate everyone with some Flaming Balls Of Death. Doberman instantly swirls around Piper in that mojo cloud of his and scoots her onto the front porch while his brethren engage the demonic invaders. "Go! You must protect the staff!" Doberman shouts before turning to disappear back into the Manor. "What about my house?" Piper shrills. "Only [Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake] matters!" Doberman yells. And with that, he clouds off to join the loud tussling in the Manor's foyer. Piper rolls her eyes and screams for Raige, who just this instant is...