Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Zodiac Killers
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.11.2006
...the Manor, where the Retarded Bimbo's grinding up some sort of root in the nonexistent attic. Piper enters, and, after much inappropriate and unwarranted kissing of the Bimbo's ass, stands by as the Bimbo flings a pinch of the ground root into the potions pot. The subsequent eruption reveals the Eternity character Piper had missed earlier because Phoebe was being an irksome, TiVo-stealing bitch. "Bingo!" breathes the Bimbo as the camera pans in on glowing symbol, which presently morphs into...
...a version of itself in blue paint on the picture window of a launderer's storefront in Chinatown. Infuriatingly enough for many on the boards when this episode initially aired, Eternity's painted so that anyone passing outside will see it backwards, but that particular source of irritation blew right past me, as I assumed after the scene that follows that it faced inwards to offer some sort of protection for what actually resides in the store. Oh, who am I kidding? That particular source of irritation blew right past me when this episode initially aired because I was watching the Short Track Speed Skating on NBC instead. You should have heard my roommate's screams of anguish when poor Apolo went spinning off into the wall during his second preliminary. Wailing. Gnashing of teeth. Tearing of hair. Rending of clothes. I couldn't stop laughing. Anyway, Piper and the Retarded Bimbo enter the laundry for a meet-and-greet with the owner, who's played by veteran character actor and professional non-Chinese Chinese man Clyde Kusatsu. And I say "professional non-Chinese Chinese man" because he's been popping up as characters with names like "Rev. Chong," "Sgt. Michael Yee," and "Judge Stephen Chin" on everything from All In The Family to The Practice for more than thirty years, despite being of obvious Japanese extraction. Needless to say, tonight he's our Lo Pan, and yes, I am aware of what happens to Lo Pan later this evening, and yes, you are correct in assuming I'm trying mightily not to refer to him as "General Tso." Spoiler!
After a tentative introduction and some weirdly coded conversation, Lo Pan quickly realizes that Piper, drawn into the shop by the Eternity symbol, has "answered [his] call, and not a moment too soon." "I think we've got our wires crossed somehow," Piper protests, "'cause I'm just looking to save a husband." "And now you're here to help save us all," Lo Pan continues for her as a thumping noise hits the soundtrack from deep within the shop. He hustles to the back wall, followed quickly by the Retarded Bimbo and, eventually, a flustered Piper, who gapes appropriately when Lo Pan vanishes in a swirl through a wall-hanging adorned with the hand-brushed image of a Chinese-style gateway. "Whoa," Keanus the Retard. "What was that?" "Forget it, Jenkins," Piper snarks while latching onto the Bimbo's hand. "It's Chinatown." Wah. Wah. Waaaaaah. With that, Piper and Maggot Neck step forward to swirl through the painted gate themselves, ending up in...