Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Zodiac Killers
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.11.2006
Manor. Phoebe's had no success contacting Piper, and suggests they employ the "To Call A Lost Witch" spell. "It's not gonna work unless she's actually lost," Raige duhs. "She could just be spending time with the boys," Raige continues, bright-siding the entire situation, "which would be a good thing, right?" "Until the world turns evil," Phoebe glooms. "Which you're about to help me with!" the suddenly appearing Pretty Pretty Novak sunnily chimes out from off-screen. I do so love it when demons enjoy their work on this show. The camera pulls a quick pan to the left to reveal Novak standing with the still-wrapped Mystical Trouser Snake in one hand and Piper in the other. That sounds a hell of a lot dirtier than it looks on the screen. Dreamy Novak shoves Piper towards her sisters as he draws the shawl off of Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake. Both the snake and his eyes glow red as his personality floods through the staff, which he then playfully waves in front of him like he's Robert Preston leading the good people of Gary, Indiana, in the final number of The Music Man. Novak's wicked brand of evil instantly infuses each one of the gals and, after a beat, he smiles, "Now. Let's go and do something you'll regret later!" Hee. The oddly affectless Glamorous Ladies blink their way into the final commercial break.
And we're back. A brief scene follows, in which Pretty Pretty Novak explains his Nefarious Demonic Plot For World Domination: The Evil Manor Morons are to slaughter Lo Pan and the remaining Signs, and Novak will reign supreme over the subsequent Year Of Evil. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
The Stupid Garden. The Evil Ps arrive alone and almost immediately confront Lo Pan and the Retard. Lo Pan quickly realizes that Pretty Pretty Novak must now be in control of Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake, and urges the Retard to use her newly mastered power to make everything right. So she closes her eyes, presses her fingers against her temples, and thinks real hard for a second until bursts of white light envelop the Manor Morons. "What just happened?" Piper wonders once it's done. The typewriting crackmonkeys just pulled another idiotic plot point from their collective ass, Piper. Haven't you been watching your own show? Gaping and goggling all around until the screen flares white one last time to knock us back into...
...Not!warts, where Dumb Magnus natters on and on about something unimportant while Pretty Pretty Novak fondles Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake. Unfortunately for him, the Glamorous Ladies plus the Retard arrive at this moment, and Raige deploys her orbing telekinesis to yank Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake from Novak's hands and into her own. "Now!" Phoebe cries, and the four women hold the staff above their heads while Maggot Neck quite literally goes cross-eyed with concentration. Stupid bitch. Whatever she's thinking about shoots a blast of vanquishing flame from Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake that almost instantly immolates Dreamy Novak and all of his little henchdemons. The conquering ladies exchange a few quippy remarks before Piper suggests they all head back to The Stupid Garden for the midnight transfer ceremony. Raige bails to apologize to Darling Hank for her idiotic behavior that afternoon, Maggot Neck bailssss to sssscry for her ssssisssster, and Phoebe bails to steam-clean her furniture. Piper's about to flail around in aggravation, but drops all the attitude in favor of a wryly amused smile.