Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Zodiac Killers
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.11.2006
...orbing onto the top of the Golden Gate Bridge with Darling Henry who, much like Daddy Dearest before him, looks like he's about to hurl. Heh. Raige, unduly influenced by Piper's personality because of her earlier run-in with Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake, remains focused solely upon forcing Darling Hank to accept her poorly defined vision of the magical community's overall mission, rather than allowing him to reach his own conclusions on the matter -- and at the expense of all others who might need her assistance at this moment, as Piper discovers when she finally manages to raise Raige on her cell. Piper, scooting through town in the Grand Cherokee with Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake rather friskily bopping around in the back seat, tries and fails to convince Raige of the urgency of the issue at hand just as Darling Hank sidles a little too close to the edge of the support tower. A sudden gust of wind sends him toppling towards the road deck far below, leading Raige to end her conversation with Piper rather abruptly in favor of saving her boyfriend's ass. There's an embarrassingly amusing moment back in the Grand Cherokee wherein Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake dances around of its own accord, leading Piper to snarl, "Don't make me come back there!" before we head back to the top of the bridge for some unfunny business between Raige and Darling Hank, and then it's off to...
...The Hagquarters, where Phoebe's housewarming party is already in full swing as she flirts with the marble-mouthed himbo for far too long until the doorbell rings. It's a seriously unhappy Piper at the door, and when she drags her selfish hag of a sister into the hall, an inexcusably rushed and therefore utterly inexplicable sequence of events follows, in which Buddha's Mystical Trouser Snake initially infuses Phoebe with Piper's personality and then, when Piper pushes the staff into Phoebe's hands, floods with Phoebe's personality to infect first Piper, followed by everyone at Phoebe's bash. Now, I'm no expert on the Chinese Zodiac, but nothing I've found indicates that the influence of Phoebe's personality type should instantly drive Piper out of The Hagquarters and towards The Cetacean Institute in Sausalito to be with her kids, nor should it immediately transform everyone at Phoebe's soiree into a rampaging slut. And yet, that's exactly what happens, on both counts. Goddamned crackmonkeys. Well, okay, maybe it does make a tiny little bit of sense for Phoebe to turn all of the people around her into rabidly whorish tramps, am I right? Oh, whatever. I so do not care anymore. Is this scene over yet? It is? Good.
Back at the Manor, Raige orbs in alone for a never-to-be-explained reason to find the place basically destroyed by the massive battle that's taken place between the demons and the Signs. Pretty Pretty Novak, suddenly rushing past her, accidentally slams her to the floor as he and his minions flee the scene, followed closely by Doberman and the other Zodiacs. Raige pushes herself up onto her elbow, squints, rubs the back of her neck with one hand, and twitches her moustache into the next commercial break.