Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Many Happy Returns
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.01.2003
Speaking of amusing, Raige screams through the front door, slams her purse and keys onto the table, and rails, "He's getting married to some bimbette he met climbing the Matterhorn!" It's all in the delivery, people. It's like Rose McGowan has completely given up on taking this series seriously, and so has adopted this "as long as I'm having fun -- and as long as they sign the checks -- then fuck it" attitude towards the whole endeavor. Anyway, Doc Diddy freezes in mid-hunting-wabbits-tiptoe to shoot Raige a wicked side-eye, then continues into the parlor. While Raige tears a wedding invitation in half and rants about Slampiece Glenn and his brazen blonde hussy, Doc Diddy mojos a photo of the Reconstituted Glamorous Ladies from its frame on the wall into his jacket pocket. The Dolt excuses himself from the sisterly bitchfest to spy on the Doc. Just as Raige begins to calm down, a burst of energy from Doc Diddy's Amazing Electric Bone propels the Dolt backwards through the air, during which he and his bloated ass vanquish a chair. Nice one, but it won't make the reel of Dolt abuse I've been compiling. Raige and Piper scamper to the Dolt's side and watch in shock as Doc Diddy sucks Big Mama into his Amazing Electric Bone. That sounds so filthy, but what the hell am I supposed to do here? Raige glances at the shattered parlor television set and peeves, "Guess I'm not watching The Osbournes tonight." I'm sorry, but are the Osbournes the WB's version of TWoP's Rae Dawn Chong Challenge? Have the higher-ups issued an edict that compels individual show runners to mention Ozzy and his brood on every damn series? Because if they have, Sharon should sic her brigade of pit-bull lawyers on this network's ass and file one of those completely frivolous yet undeniably annoying lawsuits demanding royalty payments every time a character takes her family's name in vain. By the way: I love you, Sharon! I don't wish you were my mom, of course, but having you as my fun-loving, wine-swilling, foul-mouthed aunt would be great!
Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Mama sucking complete, Doc Diddy rises to his feet, slyly mojos Raige's car keys from the entrance table into his jacket pocket, and grandly announces that his task is complete. He offers them all a sweeping, elaborate, over-obsequious bow, and flares out. Piper snots that the parlor doesn't look "cleansed" to her, and we get a shot of the Mama-sucking wreckage Doc Diddy left behind.