Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Many Happy Returns
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.01.2003
Raige and the Dolt orb onto the Manor sidewalk to find Piper frantically sweeping grime from the flagstones. Supposedly, the two orbed directly from the chapel. However, it's now completely dark, so perhaps they stopped off at The Olive Garden for some tasty Chicken Castellina with all the salad and breadsticks they could eat. It could happen. After all, they're family! Raige, still toting The Hussy's bridal bouquet, shoots the arrangement a hilarious stink-face before silently whipping it over her shoulder into the bushes. The Dolt, trying to placate the manic lunatic with the broom, enthuses that he brought Raige back to help with the cleaning. Piper airily replies that she already took care of everything as Raige stares at something immense and horrific off-camera. She wordlessly bats at the Dolt's chest and directs his gaze Manor-ward. Following his eyes, the camera cranes from the street to a spot just above the trees. Where once the Manor stood now sits an empty slab of concrete, with the various stone entry stairs leading up to nowhere. "Piper?" Raige asks delicately. "What did you do with the house?" "Oh, I thought it would be better if we started from scratch," Piper casually replies before focusing her attention once more on the dusty sidewalk. Raige and the Dolt lift their eyebrows to the sky as we get another look at the empty lot before dropping into the commercial break.
Prescott Street. Aftermath. As the camera cranes back down from the treetops to the sidewalk, Raige seethes, "Piper, you cannot just vanquish our house -- people are gonna notice!" "I didn't vanquish it," Piper duhs. "I cast a vanishing spell! It's like a good dusting, only better." Raige and the Dolt huddle for a quick processing summit. The Dolt reminds Raige she was "shocked out of [her] hex" when she understood the effects her actions had on Slampiece FauxHawk. The trick, therefore, is to shock Piper out of her hex as well. The Dolt staggers across a cunning plan. "Piper?" he asks. "Where's Phoebe?" Oh, please. Like Piper would care where the hell Phoebe is after everything that shrew put the family through over the last two and a half seasons. Of course, I've misjudged the Power Of Contrivance yet again, for after a few dismissals of the Dolt's concerns, the consequences of Piper's "vanishing spell" smack her square in the jaw. Her eyes flare up an unearthly yellowish-white, and she immediately discards her broom to tumble headlong up the front steps. Raige and the Dolt scamper after her, with Raige hiking The Hussy's gown up to her knees to do so.