Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Many Happy Returns
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.01.2003
The Dolt catches some raucous clattering noises coming from the Manor exterior, and he races outside to find Piper busily de-shingling the roof. The shingles are filthy, you see, and Voodoo Piper simply can't have them defacing her home. The Dolt pleads with her to snap out of it, adding that Raige might have done something drastic to The Man-Stealing Hussy From Twentynine Palms, but his protestations fall upon obsessive-compulsive ears. Phoebe, meanwhile, has motored up to the sidewalk below, and disembarks from her squat and hideous new car to lug the Rickbaugh Turkey up the front steps. "Thanksgiving's coming early this year!" she -- forgive me -- crows as she enters the house. Piper simply warns her not to get blood all over the kitchen. Heh. The Dolt, however, spins around to chase after The Knockered Nitwit, inadvertently tramping through a patch of garden mud as he does so. Piper immediately flings out her Hands Of Discontent, and the Dolt erupts into a shimmering spray of glowy Dolt bits that quickly coalesce back into Dolt form. "What'd you do that for?" he howls, wheeling on her. "Like hell you are bringing those muddy shoes into my house!" spits Piper. The rusty gears in the Dolt's gigantic gargoyle head begin to turn as he remembers Man-Stealing Raige employing similar language in their most recent conversation. "Jessica," he breathes as he orbs out. From the front steps of the house. In broad daylight. In front of the neighbors and various passers-by on the street. Idiot. Piper just sighs and, eyeing the supposedly filthy exterior of the Manor, moans, "This is taking far too long."
Rocky Outcropping Of Doom For Man-Stealing Hussies And Embarrassing Latino Stereotypes. The Hussy, crouched into a tiny ball of terror, peers warily over the edge to gape at a fiery waterfall far below as the Dolt orbs onto the ledge beside her. The Dolt convinces her to take his hand, and orbs out the moment she does.
Our Lady Of The Dead Heathers. Slampiece FauxHawk completes his vows just as the Dolt galumphs down the aisle with The One True Hussy. "What the hell?" grimaces the FauxHawk. Yes, FauxHawk. Exactly. The Dolt lies that Man-Stealing Raige and The One True Hussy are twins, and that Slampiece FauxHawk was about to marry the wrong sister. The minister simply rolls his eyes and bolts to payroll for his check. Man-Stealing Raige, busted, takes a moment before passing her manicured nails in front of her face and glamouring back into Famous Original Raige. Slampiece FauxHawk is angry, hurt, and very disappointed. You would be, too, if you had a rapidly decomposing polecat stapled to your head. FauxHawk draws The Hussy close and pets her far-superior hairstyle as Raige's eyes flare an unearthly yellowish-white. "I can explain," she stammers, but neither FauxHawk nor his Hussy wait for her excuses. Nor does the Dolt, for that matter, as the pressing issue of Raige's temporarily insane half-sisters remains to be solved. Raige passes the Dolt a rueful glance before orbing away from the chapel with him.