Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Many Happy Returns
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.01.2003
I dare anyone to refashion that paragraph using even more esses. Also, the forearm fur was terribly prominent throughout that scene, leading me to wonder if she donned those rose-toned bell-bottom leg warmers to keep the hair warm.
Our Lady Of The Dead Heathers. The Man-Stealing Hussy From Twentynine Palms storms out onto the portico, followed closely by Slampiece FauxHawk. They bicker about Raige for a while until The Hussy pitches a royal, engagement-breaking fit and races to her car. Ooops! Should have checked the passenger seat before you strapped yourself in, honey! Raige latches onto The Hussy's shoulder and orbs her down to that tiny outcropping of rock hovering above a lake of fire. The attendant effects have improved dramatically since last we saw it. We watch them orb in from a very high angle before the camera swoops down towards the ledge to focus on The Hussy's terrified face. "What happened?" she gasps. "You pissed off a witch," Raige sneers before orbing away. The Hussy clutches the stone wall behind her and wails pitifully for help before vanishing into the commercial break.
Manor kitchen. In a rapid-fire exchange of dialogue, Piper and Phoebe reveal how far they've fallen into their respective obsessions. The Feebs has brewed some sort of nasty vanquishing potion for Rush Rickbaugh, and might have to "flee the country for a while" after she uses it. If only. Piper's anally alphabetized the potion ingredients in the cupboards, and is about to fit every item of furniture in the house with its very own plastic slip-cover. She's also wearing rubber gloves. That's about it, really, though I wonder: Should I mention that Phoebe almost wasn't annoying? Nah.
Our Lady Of The Dead Heathers. The Dolt orbs into the bride's locker room and calls out for Raige. She emerges from behind a screen in full wedding regalia to admire her reflection in a nearby mirror. Barely holding it together, the Dolt asks why she's wearing The Hussy's dress. "Because I'm getting married," Raige blithely and delusionally replies before glamouring into Man-Stealing Hussy form. The Dolt is shocked and appalled. So am I, but for entirely different reasons. The woman I wrote off as just another standard-issue genetic freak actually has some acting chops, in that she manages to mimic Rose McGowan's intonations and mannerisms perfectly throughout the following scenes. That explains my shock. I'm appalled that the producers didn't find this woman back in 1998 and cast her as Phoebe. Anyway, Man-Stealing Raige explains that she convinced Slampiece FauxHawk to move up the wedding. The Dolt attempts to block her exit from the locker room, but Man-Stealing Raige simply orbs past him. "I should have seen that coming," harrumphs the Dolt. Snicker. Also: The Dolt is making me laugh, which I believe means I require an immediate and drastic intervention.