Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Many Happy Returns
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.01.2003
Morning After The Night Before Montage. Raige wistfully examines one of the kayaking photos, paces around Prue Memorial, reaches for the phone to call someone, thinks twice about it, paces some more, sits on her bed, and leaves the room. Over at the park from earlier in the episode, Slampiece FauxHawk listlessly tosses bread crumbs at the ducks until The Man-Stealing Hussy From Twentynine Palms interrupts his reverie. "So, you wanted to talk?" he asks. The Hussy's all, "Uh, no. I thought you wanted to talk." "Actually," Raige says, appearing from behind a tree, "I was the one who sent those messages." Raige offers a heartfelt apology, reminding them that while she was under a spell when she behaved so abhorrently the previous afternoon, that spell was broken when she realized she'd hurt Slampiece FauxHawk. "And I hurt you because I hurt Jessica," she explains. Therefore, Raige understands that, well, The Hussy won, or something. Like I care. She offers them both a guilt-ridden half-smile, and receives a pair of cautious half-smiles in return. Raige leaves the two alone, but pauses partway down the path for one last look. The erstwhile slampiece is already macking with the man-stealing hussy. Raige turns and...
...dissolves into a breathtaking high-definition digital shot of the city skyline rising up behind the Coit Tower and Telegraph Hill at sunset. Bravo, Stock Footage Guy. Brah. Vo. A quick cross-fade lands us in P3, where the Dolt tends bar as the Glamorous Ladies process their lessons for the week. Raige already received hers at the duck pond, of course, so Piper's forced to reveal that she's learned to embrace the inherent sloppiness of everyday life. Look! She's even left a pile of shattered glass right by the dance floor, and it doesn't bother her at all! Well, it won't bother her until some yuppie in open-toed slingbacks slices through the tendons in her feet. We'll see how long Piper's nonchalant attitude lasts after she's lost both her nightclub and her ancestral home in civil court.
The Feebs jiggles over with the latest copy of 415 in her hot little hands, and guess what? The editors loved her photos so much, they put her on the cover! And in a special fold-out insert! Despite the fact that the shoot with The Sissy was yesterday afternoon! Whatever! Raige examines the centerfold and metas for Holly's benefit, "No retouching!" Phoebe, mortified that she's violated her "journalistic ethics" -- HA! -- demands they return the rag. Raige playfully tosses it at the Dolt, who darts off with it to the other side of the bar. As Phoebe howls and shrieks and yodels after him, Raige and Piper snicker, and we fade to black.