Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Hack The Planet!
By Jacob Clifton | Season 2 | Episode 20 | Aired on 02.13.2012
The Jig: It is up. Maybe. Or at least Ezra thinks so. Really, it's just Byron sucking as usual, all alone at Quelle Grande Guignol French Vegan Bistro.
Meanwhile Holden tempts fate on the killing floor of Tang Soo Do, as Hanna pulls out her hair and tries to remember the last four digits of the password while Spencer screams in her face.
Hanna: (Begins to describe the intensely long, complicated password.)
Spencer: "Wow, that gray-hat hacker's password is almost as complicated as mine. Almost."
Finally they figure it out (duh, they fucked in the woods on Guy Fawkes day of last year, everybody knows that) and it opens up -- the folder that A put on Caleb's computer is named "HEFTY," which allows Hanna to do her adorable snarl, and they check inside. It's like SSNs, credit cards, permanent records, the whole thing. A bolus of such magnitude. (And you never know with this show, because isn't that exactly the kind of stuff Mona snagged last week? I mean, not those specific things, but the same system. Hmm.)
Caleb snarks at the cops, who don't know to go right to HEFTY -- or the optimistically named FAMILY ALBUM folder below it, which, aw Caleb -- while Hanna squeals and squirms, and this amazing conversation happens:
Spencer: "We're taking too long Hanna. Just Ctrl-A."
Hanna: "I'm going as fast as I can!"
Spencer: "It's not fast enough, Hanna! Just Ctrl-A."
Hanna: More fumbling.
Spencer: "Ctrl-A!"
Hanna: "What the hell do you think I'm trying to do?"
Spencer: "No, hit Ctrl-A! On the keyboard!"
To be fair, Aria and Emily are rarely called upon to be funny -- and when they are, they do a great job -- but man, Spencer and Hanna are like the Mulally-Offermans of this show. They should really hang out more often.
Garrett and Wilden, of course, assume that Caleb executed some kind of trapdoor or something, because they're watching the incriminating files vanish before their eyes, but Caleb's just like, "Um, I told you I got hacked, and then it acted like it got hacked. Can I go now?"
Oh, and Holden has been victorious I think. That was also happening.
TANG SOO DOZIE DOTES
Holden: "You stayed!"
Aria: "Yeah, don't get used to it. That was effing stressful."
Holden: "That's still pretty cool. Don't stress about my impending death. This Fight Club makes me feel alive. Maybe that's more important."
Aria: "As someone who is on constant edge of being murdered myself -- not to mention my three closest friends, who are way more likely to have bad things happen to them -- I feel you on that."