Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT "You Fart Helium?"
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.18.1999
In the hangar, Sun sniffs at Crichton's ship, and says they're taking hers. Cut to her Prowler heading toward the planet. On the command ship of Eevil, Blonde Underling tells Crais that they've received a transmission from Sun, who has "the being from the white pod" with her. Uh oh, Crichton. Maybe a joke will ease the forthcoming tension. "I just flew in from Earth, and boy, are my arms tired!" Yes, you can keep that one.
Planet. Aliens walk around, doing whatever it is aliens do. Crichton takes it all in dumbly, and mumbles that he's on another planet. Thanks for keeping up.
Elsewhere, D'Argo tells Zhann the news from Pilot: Crichton and Sun have left the ship. I guess Pilot was exfoliating during the whole escape. I'd imagine that would take a while. Worse news is that Crais is on his way to the planet with a full command carrier. Zhann notes that it makes no sense for Crais to come after them himself, and D'Argo concludes that he must be coming because of Crichton and Sun. "This barter session is over." Does that mean the lizard is hissing in a high register? No, we just cut to D'Argo grabbing Rygel and getting him out of there.
Sun finds Crichton and tells him she's relayed their rendezvous point, so they can get off "this waste hole of a planet." They turn to go, but Sun sees the Moya's shuttle take off, and she rushes to report it. Crichton wonders if that's necessary, as if Sun has wavered a lot in her devotion to duty so far. She snaps that they're prisoners, and they must be recaptured. She turns to find a sword-wielding D'Argo sneer, "Or destroyed." I see that even halfway across the galaxy, they're no strangers to the awkward. Sun starts to run, but then turns and assumes a fighting posture. Crichton warns D'Argo that the Peacekeepers are on their way, and D'Argo levelly says he knows, which is why he wants them aboard Moya as insurance. But Crais and several Peacekeepers show up at that moment and subdue D'Argo. Sun marches over to greet Crais, who totally ignores her. That seems kind of cold, but he did do it in favor of getting right up in Crichton's face. Crichton somewhat reluctantly gives his name, as every time he's done so to this point, he's ended up in a heap on the floor. But Crais merely asks where he's from. I'd think this was an unthreatening enough start, if Crais weren't in his full dress robes of Eevil. Sun pipes up that Crichton claims to be a human, from a planet called "Erp." Crichton looks dismayed that she thinks his home is named after a reaction to drinking carbonated beverages. Which, by the way, I'd advise you to keep away from Rygel. Crais announces that Crichton murdered Crais's brother, as he charged him "in that white death pod of yours." Sun, having seen said death pod herself, exhibits her military discipline by not laughing out loud. Crichton's denial of responsibility holds no water with Crais, who leers, "A human. That will require some study." Crichton reaches to unbutton his pants with a "here we go again" expression on his face. Well, not actually, but I'm kind of surprised they didn't go that way. Anyway, Crais is looking forward to pulling Crichton apart, prompting Sun to pipe up in his defense: "I don't believe he is brave enough or intelligent enough to attack one of our Prowlers intentionally." Crichton's either smart enough to keep quiet, or too dumb to take offense. I'm not even sure those two are mutually exclusive. Crais menacingly asks how long she's spent with Crichton, prompting D'Argo to snicker to himself. Crichton tries to pipe up that it wasn't much time at all, but Crais smoothly continues that Peacekeepers are quite limited in the amount of time they're permitted to spend with "unclassified alien life forms," and she may well have exceeded those parameters, which would make her "irreversibly contaminated." Sun tries to deny that, no doubt regretting that she didn't nail Crichton if she were going to be contaminated anyway. Crais orders them taken away, and D'Argo swears that someday, he'll kill Crais. Maybe you can borrow Crichton's death pod for that.