Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT "You Fart Helium?"
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.18.1999
The Moya heads in for a landing, to a city bathed liberally in clouds. From the size of the other speck-sized ships you can see zipping around, I think it's safe to say that the Moya doesn't skip any meals. Cut to Rygel imperiously bartering with a large lizard-like creature with three jaws, each containing many, many sharp teeth. The creature hisses at Rygel, and I'm really hoping it'll bring these negotiations to a dramatic close by eating him. Then not only would I be rid of Rygel, but I'd get to hear the creature hissing in soprano through the digestive process. The creature offers twenty barrels of something for Rygel's wares, and Rygel tells him off, but when the creature hisses again, he sweetly asks, "Thirty-five?" Heh.
Crichton complains about Spielberg being wrong with Close Encounters, and I don't even know what he's talking about, because I was eight when that movie came out, and the one time I went to see it I fell asleep five minutes in. Note to Crichton: Please stick to pop-culture references that came out after I discovered coffee. He and Sun are back in their cell, although sadly, he hasn't been disrobed again. I'm sure Sun could manage it if she were so inclined, but she seems to want to get out of the cell for some reason. Crichton then announces that he must have come through a wormhole, and it is for brilliant deductions like this that he is no doubt known as the smartest astronaut in the history of forever. (That's for Demian.) Crichton continues babbling that he needs either to find another wormhole or create one, and Sun, with Zhann-like restraint, doesn't point out that the first step in that process should be HELPING HER WITH THE ESCAPE EFFORTS, GENIUS. Oh, wait, there she goes, doing just that. I really kind of like her. I should point out that Farscape's version of "NASA" is "IASA," according to Crichton's uniform. This is what you get when you pony up all that money for a good cause. Anyway, Crichton whistles at Sun, and slyly produces the shrimp fork or whatever from his sleeve. The fork is like, "Don't ever wash me again."
Cut to Sun hurrying Crichton along the corridor. She tells him she's going to sabotage the ship. She and D'Argo should get together. Crichton's not down with that, as all they've done to him is take off his clothes, which is not only understandable but, if the producers of this show are going to cater to their strengths, something he's going to have to get used to. Sun exposits that she hates compassion, as the surprises keep on coming. Crichton wonders if he should hang out with the prisoners instead, and asks how he knows he can trust Sun. Sun: "You don't. That's just another thing you don't know." Wow, she's a recapper too. No wonder I like her. She clomps off, and Crichton seethes, "Damn!" No doubt he thought of a comeback three seconds too late. He should start writing them down, as I suspect that happens to him a lot.