Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT "You Fart Helium?"
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.18.1999
...as we cut to D'Argo heatedly telling Pilot that if he hadn't ripped out those wires, the control collar might not have come off. Pilot concedes that that may be true, but it also caused Moya to leak most of her "iriscentant fluid," and as a result, their current speed is barely "Hetch Two." I'm going to rely on the context to conclude that that's bad. As Pilot continues to bitch, we focus in on Crichton sitting and Sun eating. Crichton asks why the prisoners are feeding them, and Sun replies that they'll need information to survive. As Sun tells him to eat, as it might be his only chance they get, she casually slides a utensil into her sleeve. I know this is a different part of the galaxy, and traditions may vary enormously, but I still think that, having been prisoners themselves, they'd know NOT TO GIVE THEIR CAPTIVES METAL CUTLERY. Zhann comes over and tells them that they're approaching an inhabited system with a "commerce planet," causing Rygel to break in about all the things they need, among which is beauty aids. D'Argo snarls that they need iriscentant fluid. Hear the Muppet out, D'Argo. He also threatens to toss Rygel out with the next refuse dump. If he's looking for objections, he won't get any here. Rygel sputters about all the things he's done for them, and even Zhann is tired of this shit and tells them to shut up, and then asks Sun if there's Peacekeeper presence in the system. Sun merely defiantly chomps on some food in reply, while Crichton gives us the banner headline that he doesn't know. D'Argo says that Sun is infantry and therefore won't have sensitive information, and Crichton is a "higher brain function deficient. How he escaped the genetic sieving process I do not know." Well, they don't have that on Earth, D'Argo, but we should probably look into it. At least for people who work in customer service. Rygel farts in the background, and suddenly everyone's talking like a eunuch. Won't get much of the fourth sensation if that's the case, I'd reckon. Crichton squeaks, "You fart helium?" And that's really about the funniest thing ever. Rygel says it's only when he's nervous or angry, and I don't know if that means he's not flatulent when he's calm, or that we can look forward his ass powering a neon sign at some point in the future. Pilot cuts in (heh) that they're entering planetary orbit, and then somehow D'Argo figures out what Sun has up her sleeve and disarms her. Zhann holds up the shrimp fork, all purposely overdramatic and thereby hilarious with the J'accuse!, and Sun just smiles petulantly. Heh.