Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT "You Fart Helium?"
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 03.18.1999
Zhann returns to the ship and finds out from Pilot via Clamshell Cam that they're almost ready to go, but D'Argo hasn't checked in. Also, Rygel messily eats. Well, that was informative.
Somewhere on the planet, the prisoners are searched. One of Crais's henchmen asks Crichton what his dad's good luck charm is, and Crichton explains that it's a puzzle -- you have to figure out how to take it apart and then put it back together. Interesting that something Crichton's father employs for luck is probably responsible for Crichton beating his head against a wall in frustration on numerous occasions. The henchman starts playing with it, and then another henchman gives him shit for it and tries to take it away, and in the ensuing confusion Crichton grabs the first guy's laser gun out of his holster and points it at them. He fires off several errant shots, and if his aim is that bad, he probably would have ended up halfway across the galaxy even without the wormhole's help. But the fact that he can't hit the broad side of a barn doesn't stop the henchmen from cowering in fear. We go to break in this tableau as I wonder why there are only two guards for the three prisoners. Maybe they're understaffed, what with all the hot aliens flying their death pods around and the like.
We return to the same scene. Crichton gets the key for their cuffs, and D'Argo and Sun clamor to be first like it's recess and they're trying to get onto the better dodgeball team. One of the henchmen counsels Sun to give herself up: "You might avoid a death sentence." This guy needs to polish his sales pitch. Crichton gets D'Argo to unlock his cuffs, but doesn't return the favor until D'Argo agrees to take both him and Sun with him. D'Argo's not too jazzed about taking a Peacekeeper, nor is said Peacekeeper thrilled about signing on with this band of freaks, but in the end, neither of them has any choice.
So they arrive at Moya in...Sun's Prowler? Well, I guess that's what D'Argo was planning all along, except he probably thought he'd have to pilot it himself. Pilot informs Zhann that it's D'Argo in the Prowler, and Zhann thanks "Khalaan" for his safe return. When Pilot adds that Crichton and Sun are with D'Argo, however, Rygel thinks D'Argo must have made that report under duress. I think he can take care of himself, unless the atmosphere in the Prowler was made toxic by Crichton taking over where Rygel left off. You never know how foreign bacteria will react to the local cuisine. Zhann doesn't have time for Rygel's nonsense, as she tells Pilot to break orbit. D'Argo strolls in and adds that he should set course for the Uncharted Territories. Wouldn't that be ironic if they ended up dropping Crichton off for dinner at home after all. Pilot informs them that a Peacekeeper ship is aiming its "frag cannons" to bear on them, at a distance of sixty "metras." I wonder if there's an England equivalent in this system where they still insist on using "yerds." They ask Sun what the range of the cannons is, and she reluctantly tells them that it's only forty-five metras. Crichton suggests they do another of "those starburst things," but the dramatic music has already kicked up, precluding it from being that easy. Indeed, Zhann tells him that Moya must restore her energy reserves, so starburst isn't an option at the moment. As the enemy ship closes to within weapons range, Crichton gets an idea and spazzes out, telling them to head for the planet's atmosphere. He asks for paper, but while the microbes may be able to make everyone's lips move in English, they can't convey the meaning of that particular word, so Crichton is left to try to write on the floor. Moya: "Stop, that tickles!"