Episode Report Card Sara M: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Dorky Decimal System
By Sara M | Season 11 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.04.2004
Bob and Noah walk down a long hallway. They're followed by two armed guards, which Noah asks Bob about even though he didn't seem to mind it when Bob WALKED THROUGH A WALL. Bob says that The Library is "the most secure place in the world." They stop at a bookcase, and Bob quotes Shakespeare. Noah identifies the quote and grabs the play it's from from the bookcase. When he pulls the book, a secret door opens and the music of merry whimsy begins its tune. Bob and Noah stand in front of another door while the guards place and turn keys in keyholes on opposite sides of the door at the same time. "Isn't that what the army does with nuclear weapons?" Noah asks. "Where do you think the army got the idea?" Bob asks. The door opens, and Noah and Bob step through, leaving the guards behind.
Bob and Noah ride an elevator and stand around awkwardly, as you do in elevators. With slightly ridiculous Star Trek-sound effect swishes, the elevator doors open, revealing two more guards and another set of doors. Bob and Noah walk up to the doors, and Bob tells Noah that he's about to see something that few "men" in the world have seen, opening the door. Despite all the future technology, though, the room isn't rigged to light up when someone enters it, so Bob has to flick on a light switch. We see a long, seemingly endless row of books. Noah's psyched. Bob tries to crack a smile, but seeing as he hasn't done that since, like, 1952, it's a futile effort.
Post-commercial, Bob and Noah walk into the big room, and Noah stops in front of a big gold box thing. He states its exact dimensions, which he can apparently tell by sight, and pronounces it to be an "exact replica" of the Ark of the Covenant. "That's not a replica," Bob replies, drawing the Wheezy Laugh of Assholes out of Noah. He tries to touch it, but Bob tells him to keep his hands off unless he wants to be electrocuted or "smote down." Noah asks if he's being punk'd. Bob says he's being destiny'd, and that he is now the guardian of the treasures of The Library. As he and Noah walk and Bob continues to tell Noah what a special person he is to get this job, something catches Noah's eye, and he stops to look at it. It's a silver box with an intricate carving on top. Bob keeps just walking, obliviously talking to no one. That's a great first impression to make on one's new boss, Noah.
Even though the previous item of Noah's interest could have electrocuted him if touched, Noah has no reservations about poking the silver box. In fact, he even opens it, revealing some leftover Witch's Bubbling Cauldron sound effects and a bunch of glowing ghosty-looking things. One of them rises up out of the soup, and it's a baby, a tortured screech coming from its CGI lips. I guess Noah has found the Ark of the DEK "Look How Unique My Show Is" Devices. Bob runs up and slams the box shut. He explains, with his trademark delivery: "Um [clears throat], this, uh, box once belonged to a girl named, uh, Pandora.' She, uh, opened it one day and, uh, evil controlled [pause] the land for [pause] a thousand years. So I think it's best not [sniffle, throat clear] not to repeat her mistake." Noah seems a bit shocked by the whole thing, although still not quite as much as I would have been had I opened a box and a ghostly baby head screamed at me.
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