Episode Report Card Sara M: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Dorky Decimal System
By Sara M | Season 11 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.04.2004
A woman tugging on a thick rope yells at Noah to "quit posing and join the rest of the students." Noah grabs a hold of the rope behind her and we see the pyramid's capstone lowered onto the pyramid. Once that's been done in all its bad CGI glory, Noah cheers loudly and goes for high-fives with his fellow students, all of which are rebuffed. A wimpy English guy steps forward and thanks everyone for their efforts on this project, about which he will now exposit exactly what it is: a perfect one-twentieth-scale pyramid, made of "pyramid stones," complete with capstone. There is much applause, and the professor dismisses them.
Noah runs up to the professor and asks if he can head the "translation team," because they don't seem to be getting it. Professor says that Noah won't be continuing on with the project at all. Noah asks how this could be; he's the best student in the class. Professor says that this is true, and that Noah is always the best student in everyone's class, and that he's never done anything but be the best student in every class he's taken. Oh, and he has twenty-two degrees. ["Okay, learning is cool and everything, but...neeeeeeeeeeeeeerd!" --Wing Chun] "School is what I know," says Noah. Professor asks whether Noah knows any of his classmates' names after working with them for three months. It turns out that Noah doesn't. He claims that this is because everyone has a nickname, and then points to a random guy and calls him "sweater guy." "Freak," says Sweater Guy, apparently having no problem making fun of his classmate right in front of their professor. Professor tells Noah that he is a "professional student" who is avoiding life by staying in school. Noah says that he totally has a life outside of school, which he obviously does not. Noah asks Professor what he's getting at here. "You NEED to FIND a JOB, [Noah]!" Professor shouts. He says that he has talked to administration and approved Noah's degree. Noah is done with the program.
This upsets Noah a great deal, because it's the middle of the semester, so he won't be able to take another program for six months. "Exactly," says Professor. Noah begs Professor not to do this to him. Professor tells him it's time to face the "big, bad real world." Noah takes off his pith helmet and safari jacket and leaves. Observing this scene from a balcony is one Mr. Bob Newhart, who you should all know right now is totally awesome.
Noah arrives at the home he shares with his mother, who makes a few comments about how smart her son is as if she agrees with Professor that Noah should not be going to school anymore. If that is the case, why is she paying for it? I doubt Noah is, seeing as Professional Student isn't a very highly-paid profession. ["Maybe he's really, really good at writing grant proposals?" -- Wing Chun] Noah sulks upstairs to his room, his mother following. He speechifies to her about how his books are "slices of the ultimate truth...they speak to me." Mom tells Noah that if the books start telling him to set fires or hurt small animals, he shouldn't listen to them. Noah is not in the mood for jokes, and goes down the stairs. He says he's heading to the bookstore. Then the doorbell rings.
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