Episode Report Card Demian: C- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 2002.03.14
Up in the attic, the Feebs struggles with her now-voluminous gown as she squeals "Oh!" over and over again at her reflection in the mirror. Raige enters, and Phoebe whirls on her, screaming, "You! You ruined my wedding, and the bridal shop is closed tomorrow!" Raige splutters as Piper begs Phoebe not to "blow this out of proportion." Phoebe makes an unfunny about "proportion" and how her dress could "double as a circus tent." Raige protests she picked up the correct dress -- she checked the tag before leaving the shop. Phoebe brandishes the reservation tag and reads off the new name. "Do I look like Millie Platt? Do I?" Actually, the captioning renders this last as "Do I? Do I? Do I? Do I? Do I?" and thank God I didn't have to listen to Alyssa Milano yammer out that version of the line. Phoebe whips the tag at Raige, who examines it while insisting, "That's impossible." Phoebe screeches that, had Raige picked up the dress earlier in the day as Phoebe had originally demanded, they'd be able to correct the mistake in time for the ceremony, like, when was Raige's name officially changed to Gunga Din? You should have picked up your own goddamn dress. Bitch. Raige, in addition to being an artist, a social "worker," a tarot reader, a reformed Goth chick, a recovering alcoholic, an orphan, Phoebe's pack mule, and all-around doormat, is also a seamstress of some skill. She promises to alter the gown herself that evening. As my eyes roll back into my skull, Coolio blows into the attic and TKs Piper ass-backwards across a desk. Phoebe spins around and raises her fists. Her oversized gown puddles onto the carpet at her feet, leaving her standing there in the sort of aerodynamic foundation garment last seen on Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles. Coolio gives her the once-over and puckers his lips in disgust. As well he should. Phoebe boots him in the head, tossing him into a bookcase. Raige summons a hefty ceremonial sword from a nearby table and hurls it into Coolio's stomach with her orbing telekinesis. Coolio clutches his stomach for a moment, then dissolves into a cloud of dirt that settles on the wreckage of the bookcase. Phoebe whips around and spits at Raige, "You'd better take care of this!" Raige promises to research Coolio in the Book of Shadows immediately. "Not the demon," Phoebe sneers as she balls up the expanse of satin at her feet. "My wedding dress!" She shoves the gown into Raige's face and stomps out of the attic. Raige peers through a spray of netting into commercial.