Episode Report Card Demian: C- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT We'll have an old-fashioned wedding.
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 15 | Aired on 2002.03.14
Bimbo Boudoir, the following morning. Phoebe stirs, squints at the sunlight streaming in through the curtains, and glances at the clock. To Phoebe's horror, the clock reads 11:07. She bolts upright in bed, then springs out into the hallway, berating Raige for failing to rouse her. Does your clock not have a goddamn alarm? Bitch. Phoebe clomps into the bathroom to wash her face as Raige rises groggily from her chair and Piper staggers into the hallway looking ten kinds of hungover. Phoebe shrieks and emerges from the bathroom with a rash of acne covering her forehead, cheeks, and chin. She howls in fury at Raige and lurches into her bedroom, muttering darkly about the spell Raige supposedly cast on the Heaven In A Jar. Phoebe blubbers at her vanity while Piper urges everyone to breathe. Raige, meanwhile, takes umbrage at Phoebe's suggestion that Raige is intentionally sabotaging the ceremony. Why is Phoebe so quick to blame her? "Face it, Phoebe," Raige snits, "this wedding has been filled with nothing but bad omens from the start." "And they all seem to be connected to you, now don't they?" Phoebe shoots back. Piper steps between the snarling, uh, witches, and assures Phoebe that make-up should cover the acne. Raige snorts derisively: "There's not enough spackle in the world to fill those craters." Phoebe leaps to her feet, ready to toss Raige out the window. Raige tells her to cram it. Raige will prove she has no intention of sabotaging the ceremony, and quickly recites the following oft-used spell:
Let the Object of Objection
Become but a Dream
As I cause the Seen
To be Unseen.
Little fairy lights dance across Phoebe's face, and the acne gradually disappears. More amusingly, Phoebe proceeds to vanish as well. Get it? The Object of Objection? Unfortunately, that gag was unintentional. More unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the "gag" that follows. InvisiPhoebe's empty pink pajamas stand in front of her vanity, holding Phoebe's form. InvisiPhoebe, overly enthused: "My zits are gone?" Piper, preternaturally calm: "I can honestly say that your face is completely clear." InvisiPhoebe: "Woo hoo!" You watch the commercials while I go pound my head through some of the drywall in my apartment.
Manor. They've finally filmed new establishing shots of the Manor that include Raige's Volkswagen in the driveway, by the way. Up in the attic, InvisiPhoebe has apparently stripped herself naked, presumably because the effects budget can't bear the strain of multiple shots of animated pink pajamas. Alyssa Milano's voice-over rages while various blue-screen shots of airborne wedding programs and the floating satin gown are superimposed over Raige and Piper. InvisiPhoebe even "knocks over" some books in frustration. Piper tells Alyssa's voice-over to shut up. Phoebe's current state is simply "a backfire to the vanishing spell." Once Piper finds an appropriate reversal in the Book of Shadows, everything will be fine. Daddy Dearest pokes his head into the room, wondering why the gals haven't dressed yet. There's a bit of business wherein InvisiPhoebe orders Daddy Dearest to escort the photographer to the church and Piper attempts to pass off the disembodied voice as her own effort at impersonating Phoebe's verbal tics for the toast at the reception. Daddy Dearest leaves. InvisiPhoebe bitches some more as she plants her naked ass down on a sofa. I hope they used ScotchGard on that thing. Raige cuts to the chase -- the vanishing spell should not have backfired. After all, it didn't when she used it on Billy and Collagyn. When you add that to the oversized wedding dress, the acne, and Coolio, it should be clear that there are demonic doings afoot in Halliwell Manor. Raige delivers a "buck up, little campers" pep talk, arguing that the Ps can vanquish whatever Eeevil forces are at work and still hold the ceremony as planned. Piper and Phoebe agree. The gals exit the attic with the BoS to prep for the wedding while continuing the search for a reversal in the Book.